BRUNO We just met, but I know you’re my soul mate I’ve got your name tattooed on my chest, neck, and face
Lets get hitched right away or at least pick a date I’ve got next week open. When do you have open?
I sent you my left ear But you tossed it off the pier Then said something I couldn’t hear
What
Gave you all my string and my fingernail clippings I hope I don’t sound deranged, but I’d
Chop off my head for you I just went off my meds for you I’d drink a bottle of crazy glue And lick a bathroom attendants shoe
Oh that’s good shoe
I would peel you a million grapes And make a portrait using audiotapes Yes I’ll protect you from robots And futuristic apes
Oh Get your damn stinking paws off my girlfriend you dirty ape from the future
GIRL Calm down you crazy clown what is wrong with you Stop offering things that you’ll never have to do Just take your pills, pay your bills I don’t want you dead Why would I want a boyfriend who doesn’t have a head?
BRUNO I’d eat a pile of glass Pull my heart out through my ass
GIRL You know what you could do for me?
BRUNO What baby
GIRL The dishes and the trash Lets take that Tango class Then watch Lifetime TV
BRUNO I’ll shop at Target with you Buy you tickets to Dave Matthews I’d go to brunch with your book club friends
I’ll tell you that you’re not fat again It nightmare ever ends I would rather eat 50 grenades Wear a speedo made of razor blades Then have to deal with you baby And your stupid mom