I don’t know much about fairness but I’m familiar with justice and how my tongue twists it into a shape the looks an awful lot like vengeance I just grit my teeth and pray that grace transcends this hard as iron ire filled temperament I pray that God plays the anvil that stretches my will into a plowshare instead of the sharpened tip where my temper sits But regardless of sincerity I always spit out that bridle and bit Even though the pull from an unseen Masters reigns is to save my steps from the pit I cloaked myself in fury and shod my steps with purpose Apathy was my blindfold written inside was the word “worthless” Thoughts of injustice kept me up at night But not near as much as my self-righteous soul would like It’s been 5 years spent picking the lint out of my pockets Counting monetary gain as loss It’s been a tacticle struggle to stop from feeling the cost Of becoming a rolling stone without moss A slow dance with integrity A game of crossed fingers theology Became a tightrope walk of art and self-serving apologies
Seven is the number of completion I prayed that seven wouldn’t complete its task in me Seven sat silently in the corners of my remorse Discourse brought no course of action for divorce From Cardinal sins that blinded cardinal directions given by the ghost that lives in me My hands knew nothing of what my eyes did And my feet kept secrets from my mind So each of my limbs held errors Which led me to err on the side of caution But I’m
No longer letting my condition dictate my position No longer singing and “I was wrong” swan song Psalmic inspiration without self-minded trepidation Has helped me to define freedom
I know now that grace is a steam engine and compassion is a well that won’t go dry Just like love is a flame that can’t go out So when God stokes the fire in my chest my limbs act as pistons I have no choice but to let the steam that rises escape from my mouth Which makes my body a fractured locomotive beating a rhythm of submission I’m all forward motion, free fall, and breaking boughs Hoping to stick my landing somewhere between eternity and kept vows Which has stopped me from killing myself for over 5 years now This is for the ones that have to bench press their blankets every morning to get out of bed Because the world seems too heavy even from a bedroom window It’s for the ones who wear X’s on their hands as a reminder of their parent’s mistakes I pray I can be the salt that mixes with the blood-stained soil and not the added pain in someones gaping reminder Before I’m plunged back into the ocean I was meant for all along To become just another note in an entire symphony Because a note alone just conveys a tone And most everyone I know is not in harmony I try to be a man, I plant my feet, I stand like a native son, I’m trying to make my childish nature forgotten and foregone I’m no longer content with playing with sticks in the front lawn (in the light the dark has no place to hide)