LEIA - VERSE 1 Getting this win is something you could never do They’re wantin’ Episode 7 not Phantom Menace Part 2 I’ll stick your charred face ‘tween a rock and hard place The only thing you that could ever win is a pod race And as a matter of fact, Dad, I know that you can’t spit ‘Cause every time that you be breathin’ you be soundin’ like you’re sick I’m no hater but I hate him ‘cause we know Vader’s a traitor You breathin’ like a fat kid puffin’ his inhaler Smoker's voice got a trache in your vocal chords Smelled your foul breath when I came on board And the shape of your helmet isn’t really the best Look, Luke...dad’s got an inferiority complex! Hot mess! Only battler in a dress This lady’s running things like I’m a Queen in chess And I’ll confess, Padme might have done you wrong ‘Cause I just spent Father’s Day with Obi-Wan
VADER - VERSE 1 You’re stepping to the...most evil emcee That the galaxy’s seen so you know that I’m mean I know you know what I mean, you need to listen to dad I’ll make you choke in this battle...just by raising my hand Whether slayin beats or younglings I’m doin’ what I’m lovin’ I’ve been the champ since you were just a bun in the oven Call me Dark Lord and they say you’re my kin But I blew up your planet and I’d do it again But it doesn’t mean that I don’t miss you in the worst way Remember when I got you an Ewok for your birthday? You’re all grown up now wearing makeup and bling? I know rappers wear chains but this ain’t the same thing Schoolin’ you in rap and you can’t play hookie, Shave your legs, Lei’, you’re too short to be a Wookie And I really would have never had to blow up Alderaan If twenty years ago I hadn’t met your mom
LEIA - VERSE 2
Leia spar hard put Darth in an arm bar Better keep put up your guard Darth, or I’m leaving you Jar Jarred ‘Cause Vader ya done done, you should prolly run run And I'm putting my pops down...don't need any gun guns! Han, Luke, Bail Organa, Obi Wan Oh, you thought that you were the chosen one? Black pleather and plastic? It’s time to play hard ball Where’d you get your outfit? The Darth Maul? I might have daddy issues but at least I have a dad And if you try to ground me, I’ll go live with Uncle Chad Now I bet you’re getting mad at everything I say But the day you win a battle’s the day you save Padme If Vader was my only hope, I’d be hopeless I’m no Stormtrooper. When I shoot, I don’t miss I hope this...hurts way worse than when your mom split And if you act up, well then I’m flipping your off switch
VADER - VERSE 2
Are you on drugs, Leia? Someone get her a piss test I’m the Dark Lord but I’m not into incest I’m telling you the truth...so you can’t be mad at me Your inbred babies will be less pretty than Palatiiiiiiine Never thinkin’ of the negative I asked her who she lovin’ and she said “It’s all relative” Watch your language, you’re making me stressed You kiss your brother with that mouth? Oh wait, Yes When you were young I had to bounce Want the truth? You and Luke, you were creeping me out What were you thinkin’? No really, girl, what were you doin’? You and your brother ruined the family reunion Yo, I’m a huge fan of villainous wickedness And I know twins are close but this is ridiculous I’m still your father, Leia. What was I supposed to do? I had to cut off Luke’s arm to keep his hands off you!