the thought of doing everything so consciously hurts my brain I dream of ki- (killing you) and killing my pain too God wrote a love song on your palms but you still weep you don't have to apologize for your abandonment issues What a joy to not be able to see anything clearly It is a reminder that whatever happens, i am not in control you are not in control do you believe in God? Oh what a joy, to not be in control (the only home I'll never have is an airport not all sunsets are created equal) This is my life with and without you, hiding in basements, hiding between the walls of interaction and being a complete hermit (I still feel lonely even though I have someone) I try to interact interact socially (will I be ok? you are going to be ok.) This is my life indoors and outside (dustmites eat tiny pieces of us and one day we are less whole but we never noticed and the dustmites are happy) I lie in bed and cry ( as a child I picked flowers from the cemetery and gave them to my mother for mother's day) you probably think I'm really weird and I do not object, I do not object (in between disasters you will breathe and you will be free because disasters are ok) (sdgndskgndslkgd and you're always asleep when I pick up the phone, I don't want to be afraid in my own home sgjdshgksjsgsg) (sdfgbsjgfs I can't know how you felt when you listened to this song but I try to understand) the crackling on the record reminded me of the fire I had in my heart and the candles I blew out while I was still alive, now I'm just a Jesus and Mary candle crying to the JAMC, and I'm not good with religion but I sacrificed myself a long time ago, and I hope you die painlessly with laugh lines and wrinkles around your eyes you don't deserve to die.