I resent my first kiss an introduction to these things i love so well
so now we fall back into friendship
i was just lying on this bed with my head in my hands trying to make you understand that every single word is a journey from the pit of my stomach to the top of my mouth
and the feet of the faithful kicked dust in my breath and clogged up my lungs with the smell of the death of the hope and the fear and the prayers that kept me alive from afar
i was trampled to the ground and i fell on my face and i remembered this place from the dreams of those toothless days when i clung to ignorance like a fucking shroud that covered my eyes
insight undesired of where we both stood and the good in me drained out like blood and sweat and waste and broken teeth and dust i swallowed down
so if words are all i have then with words we'll build a world where we can burn our days and set fire to the things that we love
when my nerves connect to you making contact i spend more time itching stumps than flexing fingers motorized, you are my support the sound that helps me breathe you in the machines we built alone are still not working
("alien, like a mineral" she said, or at least she meant. soft, constantly whispering caresses erode and abrade. they smooth and briefly perfect but eventually they annihilate)
running like some melodrama (dancing) towards the cliff edge (laughing) but i am not a character (playing) i'm a ghost
the sickness is with me still makes my veins crawl with the sting of poisons running through these poor holes in my sick skin
the half life of kissing your lips won't end i cannot speak with your tongue in my mouth cross tongued, tongue tied i can't speak with your tongue in my mouth with it pressed against these poor aching, bleeding gums i wish you could see me in the night when the rivers from my eyes flood their banks again and bring the rain so we end this four year drought i wish you could see me in the darkest hours when my face blooms anew
i can feel your pulse through my lips and i would walk down the street naked again i'd withstand the heat i'd withstand the pain if you kiss these eyes like butterflies and make me want to live again
(this cold wind will blow away the warm sun. this autumn friendship formed of sorrow. we have a long way to go, this image imprinted on my mind. maybe we can all meet again junesometime)
if i had 1,000 words to tell you how i feel i'd throw them all away because none of them are real and i'd make the sound that i have found so deep inside myself