Drunk, faded Browned out, looking all shady Two months since I fucked a lady Young man dick going crazy Standard Saturday I'm about to get a cab and masturbate Then I see a hot girl I bet I could date "Lemme get your cat girl, no Hathaway" That what I thought not what I said to her Instead I walk up to her like "I know you heard of the kid You heard what I did You heard of my shit The murderous spit" She's like "Naw You're being weird What are you talking about?" I'm like "Aw." Pulling out my phone like a boss YouTube bout to get her off But as I type the y-o-u Some porno pop up I'm like "Hold up, how di-, that's not even me like, I don't jerk off mobily." Then her friends coming up and want to know if everything is okay I'm like "Naw this a rape, can't tell? Give me a break please, get the heck away." I turned to her "Let me buy you a drink." She like "Fine." Told the man two Patron She like "Lime." Said he tried twice the card got declined I'm like "Are, is this, could it be a machine issue?" He was like "Naw." I was like "Obviously there's something wrong I got dough like, I'm not broke, I got donuts with the same card like about an hour ago." He like "Dude, I don't know." Now I'm looking at the girl she just wanna go And I ain't talking bout with me, bro. I mean alone I got one more chance to prove myself so I'm like- "Look, I'm athletic, girl. I've gotten several rec-league MVPs At my crib I've got some pizza. Plus a little bit of weed In my room I've got a TV. Plus I recently did sheets Girl, I even have a fridge that has the water on the door like with the crushed ice"
[Hook]
You know I don't give a damn whatcha playin' right now This is me coming at you as a man right now Lemme freak Lemme freak, god dammit, lemme freak Just lemme freak, please god Just lemme freak
[Verse 2: Lil Dicky]
The girl from the first verse Somehow let me fuck Fast forward, seven months We in love Some real serious relationship-type shit Despite this I ain't fucked for days Tried last night but was pushed away But I've been acting well behaved today, I smell okay Adele Pandora's playing, now she laying On the floor and I'm praying this bitch is horny I go and give her a smooch She kissing Dicky back, so I play with her boobs Bad move, she don't like that Bad mood, her boss being mean to her Via email, she wanna write back I'm like "Right now?" She like "Yeah, what do I say, can you just help me?" "Ok, whats the context?" Then she like "Well, he talks to Jane before coming to me." "Who's Jane again?" I said She like "Wow, you should know that." "Ok, I guess I forgot." She like "Dude, that's my other boss." "Ok, true, so shouldn't your first boss go to the other boss before you? Right?" "But Jane isn't hands on!" she yelled "Ok, well I just don't understand the dynamic then, I don't work with these people." She started crying "Wait stop, what the fuck is this?" "Naw, you don't ever take my side!" About an hour later til' I'm on her good side We in bed, hands on her good thighs I try to kiss, she like "Good night." But I'm like- "Look, I just turned off The Departed for a movie about a bee I've been cutting back on farting, tweeting, arguing, and weed Yesterday I wore a cardigan at dinner with your sweet, and supportive... And during the fourth quarter, of the Eagles! Now reward it!"