I try to piece myself together but solemn memories slip through inept fingers objects trigger a response just out of reach always desiring the intangible so why am I still surprised to fail? hyperalgesia bed sheets against skin another barricade another excuse to hide another night counting seconds with clenched fists concealing regrets and force fed 'it's not your faults' but I know it is staring at the same ceiling from four years ago so nostalgic, romanticizing depression repeating the words: "I'm piss. I'm shit. I'm less than nothing." the only thing I'm certain of is I'm uncertain of everything so secure in my insecurities blasé to the sunrise and pigments in eyes that once warmed my heart accustom to frosty breath, awkward smiles and apathetic last words time transforms friends into lovers into acquaintances into strangers and I forget my own name waiting on storms that never passed so many wasted nights drawing interstates over veins that led to nowhere panic attacks bringing laughter, broken mirrors and holes in the wall objects trigger a response just out of reach but here I am with my arms stretched out, still reaching
though this world is depressing and unbearable I cannot simply fly away for I am not a bird
I spent endless years sculpting wings from feathers and wax but as with Icarus they melted away at the first sign of light so I retreat to the dark, awaiting redemption though I'm not an angel I'm quite the contrary death still terrifies me I'm broken, I'm weary maybe one day I'll find solace in seclusion but for now I'm just struggling to carry on despite this disease
I've been peeling off my flesh in my sleep biting through my tongue when I speak clawing at my eyes, ripping out my own heart I've been grinding down my teeth while I dream licking the shine off blades when I scream severing my throat, coughing up my own lungs I've been picking at my brain in my sleep downing chloroform when I speak sawing off my nails, throwing up my own blood I've been sanding down my bones while I dream chewing shards of glass when I scream pulling out my spine, gnawing at own arms
out of boredom depression disgust desperation out of anxiety obsession isolation clichés
[the thread's been spun, measured and cut] I'm a ghost feasting on remains no one wants [the thread's been spun, measured and cut] I'm a phantom whispering through the walls
the stench of my own rotting corpse is lulling me to sleep