i haven't had a dream in a whole fucking year. i've been plagued nightly by nightmares. i keep replaying the moment you died. i wake up sweating and begging for me to follow you. but what else should i expect from this life when each day the wound gets worse than the last? seven years shattered in seven fucking seconds. i'm holding on to fond memories though i know they can't stay forever. because i'm getting old so fast and the same cruel earth awaits me. when she drags me in i'll raise my fist to the rotting sky and curse this wasted life, whispering 'better luck next time'. i cannot be anything but a human being so don't expect anything more from me. \"I once battled in dark alleys for a laugh. now I'm not laughing. I splash myself with oil and wonder: how many years do you want? how many days? my blood is soiled and a dark angel sits in my brain. things are made of something and go to nothing. I understand the fall of cities, of nations. a small plane passes overhead. I look upward as if it made sense to look upward. it's true, the sky has rotted: it won't be long for any of us