Ladies and gentlemen, this is captain Ruiz speaking. We've reached our cruising altitude of 35,000 feet. If you look out the window on the left side of the aircraft, you'll see an enormous flying object on a direct intercept path with us. Local air traffic control has identified object as Scare Force One.
We would have landed in Miami in 2hrs and 35minutes where the weather is 85 degrees and the winds are out of the north west at 5 miles per hour. Unfortunately, we have approxamately... Uuummm... 2 to 3 minutes left...
I'm going to unbuckle my seat belt and have a Jack and Coke... And I suggest you all do the same. What the hell... Jack and Cokes for everyone! On me!
With that said... There are those whining, seat kicking annoying kids, nagging wives and bitches, and drunken, obnoxious, snoring, fornicating centlemen... Well, here's your change people!
Thank you for flying Monsterican Air!
Cabin crew... Charlene and Evilyn.. Meet me in the lavatory...