Washing machine, pinstripe dream Stripped the gloss from a beauty queen Found our nest, in the Daily Express Met the vicar in a holy vest Brought up the children Church of E Now I vegetate with a colour TV Worst ever thing that ever happened to me Oh, for D.I.V.O.R.C.E., oh Judy
Whatever happened to pillow fights Whatever happened to jeans so tight, Friday nights Whatever happened to lover's lane Whatever happened to passion games Sunday walks in the pouring rain
Curling tongs, mogadons \"I got a headache baby, don't take so long\" Single beds, middle age dread Losing the war in the Waistlands spread
Who left the cap of the toothpaste tube Who forgot to flush the loo Leave your sweaty socks outside the door Don't walk across my polished floor, oh Judy
Whatever happened to morning smiles Whatever happened to wicked wiles, permissive styles Whatever happened to twinkling eyes, hard fast drives Complements on unnatural size
Propping up a bar, family car Sweating out a mortgage as a balding clerk World war three, suburbanshee Just slip her these pills and I'll be free