Hmm A fine romance, my good fellow You take romance, I'll take jello You're calmer than the seals In the Arctic Ocean At least they flap their fins To express emotion
A fine romance with no quarrels With no insults, and all morals I've never mussed the crease In your blue serge pants I never get the chance This is a fine romance
Hmm A fine romance, with no kisses A fine romance, my friend, this is To love (?), to have the thrills That a healthy crime has We don't have half the thrills That the march of time has
A fine romance, with no clinches A fine romance, with no pinches You're just as hard to land As the Ille de France I haven't got a chance My heart's not made of plastic You're the reason I'm sarcastic 'Cause this is a fine, fine romance
*** A fine romance, with no kisses A fine romance, my friend this is We should be like a couple of hot tomatoes But you're as cold as yesterday's mashed potatoes A fine romance, you won't nestle A fine romance, you won't wrestle I might as well play bridge With my old maid aunt I haven't got a chance This is a fine romance