that morning I woke up to a pain in my chest while her dead eyes were still filled with tears she didn't disappear, it was the latter while her body laid as still as a stone and the blade was still in her hand, shaking violently as if it wanted nothing to do with her death I tried to wake myself as if I was still dreaming the lights in the sky were barely blinding the shouts from the sea were barely silent I slept to a dying dream, I awake to a living nightmare the air was cold and so was she my ribs gave way so I could breath amongst the sheets were grains of sand mixed in with blood and blade in hand and I recall back to my dream where I had seen her in the light where the stars had held me back from her where our voices tore a hole in the sky and then the whale took her away to a place where I can't go and that was when she drew her sword and cut her wrist real deep and slow and as she did she broke in tears and rid herself of a broken life and everything had become clear as soon as skin embraced the knife how can I ever trust you if I can't trust myself? my head hangs heavy over you and I'm still triyng to wake you up I tried to bring out the best in me but I'll never be enough these dreams are all I ever see and you were haunting me in mine I take the blade out of your hand and hold you close for one last time now I know why she never said goodnight why couldn't you just speak to me? I could've saved you I can't believe that this is how it ends I couldn't save you