Translated by Amen - https://amentranslations.wordpress.com/2014/09/07/%E3%83%96%E3%83%A9%E3%83%83%E3%82%AF%E3%83%BB%E3%83%AD%E3%83%BC%E3%82%BF%E3%82%B9-black%E3%83%BBlotus/
今際のときにさえ その道を説くこと imawa no toki ni sae sono michi o toku koto
Even at the brink of death preaching that path
その心に幾ばくかの影 在れば或いはと
sono kokoro ni ikubaku ka no kage areba arui wa to
“If there are some shadows in your heart, or otherwise…”
いとしきその名を呼び どれほど惜しんでも
itoshiki sono na o yobi dore hodo oshindemo
Even if you called out that name dear to you no matter how much you don’t want to move on
その声が此処を向くことは 終ぞ此の時 ありはしなかった
sono koe ga kochira o muku koto wa tsuizo kono toki ari wa shinakatta
that voice wasn’t facing this way anymore not at all
semete saigo ni wa kotaeru kotoba o hitokoto futakoto sae areba arui wa sore ga kanashimu mune tori nozoite kureta ka to nageki no oto yobi samasu koto mo dekizu ni todokanu kyori o omou
“At least if I had even one or two words to respond in the end or otherwise if they took away my grieving heart” I deludedly think about the unreachable distance from which no voice or sound of anguish can call awake
mou, dare mo inai. hitori ni naru. sore ga osoroshii no ka to. toeba. sou de mo ari. sou de wa naku. tada naze ka wananaku te no. wake no wakaranu mama. tomerarenaku. sono shodou ni umorenagara.
Not anymore is there anyone. I’ll be in solitude. If I question myself whether that’s something dreadful. Whether it is. Or if it isn’t. I still remain unable to understand why. Why my hands just tremble. Unable to be stopped. While I’m buried in that instinct.
私は何を怖れている。
watashi wa nani o osoreteiru.
What am I afraid of.
握り締めていた手を 開いて見つめれば
nigiri shimeteita te o hiraite mitsumereba
If I open up the hand I held firmly shut and take a good look
見る影無く枯れ細った手に 老い白んだ髪
miru kage nakku kare hosotta te ni oi shiranda kami
Near unrecognizable, I see aged whitened hair in my thinned withered hand
私はあなたほど 強くも無ければと
watashi wa anata hodo tsuyoku mo nakereba to
“If I’m not even as strong as you…”
この心に幾ばくかの影 振り払うなど できはしなかった
kono kokoro ni ikubaku no kage furi harau nado deki wa shinakatta
I couldn’t even shake off a few shadows from my heart
iwaku somo uke ire gataki koto ni mo kokoro no arikata o tadaseba to yorube to shita oshie sae ima munashikereba imi wa naku utsurou beku ikiru koto wa ku to omoi itaru koto mo hitsujou to
They say “if you reform your heart’s ways in things that from the start are difficult to accept..” If even my resorted teachings are now empty, it’s inevitable to realize that living for the purpose of change without meaning is suffering
sou, ikiteitai. kiete shimau. sore ga osoroshii no da to. kidzuku. nan demo naku. dare demo naku. tada kono mi dake o oshinde. oite kie yuku made. tomerarenaku. sono shougeki ni uchinomesarete.
Yes, I want to keep living. I’ll end up disappearing. That is indeed dreadful. I realize. Without anything. Without anyone. Holding close this body alone. and growing old until fading away. Unable to be stopped. I’m overwhelmed by that shock.
私は怯えているのだ。
watashi wa obieteiru no da.
I am indeed afraid.
こうして消えていくは世の倣いであるなど わたしはもはや認められない
kou shite kiete yuku wa yo no narai de aru nado watashi wa mo haya mitomerarenai
To fade away like this is just how the world works No longer can I accept that
あの花の形を移したこの髪さえ わたしはもはや認められはしない
ano hana no irodori o utsushita kono kami sae watashi wa mohaya mitomerare wa shinai
Even the hair that changed the shape and colour of that flower no longer can I accept
yue ni, taguri yoseru. kono ryoute de michi o fumi hazusou tomo. sore ga. shinjita mono. sugatta mono. subete ni se o mukeyou tomo. ware o ushinau koto. tomerareyou. sono negai sae negau no naraba.
Therefore, I reel in. With both my hands Even if I shall stray from my path. It’s. what I believed in. What I clung to. Even if I turn my back from everything. I shall be able to prevent. Losing myself. As long as that wish comes true.