Chorus: What a surpriser Open your eyes, A Woman advisor
The name of this entertainment is Women lose weight Our first years of marriage everything was just great But after two kids And a weight gain factor The fact is Now she's completely unattractive Look fat chicks I don't mean to sound rude I tell her nice hit the gym
And don't eat so much food But no Your shallow You need to run the course of unconditional love and so forth
But how if desire's is not there That's just delayment Divorce is, child support, alimony payments My happiness I doubt discouraged So hurry for an easier way out of this marriage
Meanwhile my secretary June well groomed
When you gonna leave your wife
I tell her soon mommy soon I assume Or my destiny is blue Interestingly The only thing left for me to do is to kill her
Chorus:
I'm gonna have to kill her Of course there's laws which enforces divorces Send that ass Right to the morgue miss
My plans against or shenanigans Kinda ran thin Knowin' nothing about poisoning And I can't swim Bad intentions pumping Might as well become numb Cut her lungs or the obvious robbery gone wrong But the catch is do I have the nerve to dispatch this Who can I get to help me murder this fat chick I guess I'll have to play a dude robbin'
On Wednesday The day she usually goes food shopping Anyway long story short hit the side of her Chrysler And sent her clean over the divider "You bastard" she said as the wreck went tumblin' down the hill
I thought "she has to be dead" Later on get a call From a Lieutenant O'Rourke Had me leapin' like a frog We need you at the morgue So I selfishly pursue "Boo hoo" there was nothing else for me to do I had to kill her
Chorus:
So you mean to tell me officer you don't have no clue who did this hit and run
No sir we don't have no clues right now This is terrible what am I gonna tell the kids? Pull yourself together sir I'm so broken up inside I just can't believe this I understand, I understand Catch the person who did this We're gonna try sir Please
Screamin "who done took my heart" acting shaken up a lot
At the funeral though everyone was lookin' at me odd like I did it
Like I was the reason my mates slain murmuring "I heard he was displeased with her weight gain"
While my secretary sort of a sexy blonde can't cook
All she does is order from restaurants All of the sex you want I doubt could address, Clothes not washed proper and house look a mess and Talkin to detectives that was waitin outside
How I took a long lunch break day the wife died I darn near turned pale And because of betrayal They indicted me, and gave me an impossible bail
Moral of the story is: Desire is important
So watch your weight It'll keep you mate smitten it's a given
Though looking back I realized I didn't have to kill her
Chorus:
Well there you have it Keep thin trim Keep your marriage healthy Do you know what I mean? Small message from Morcheeba and Slick Rick the ruler