morgan martinez - i feel like I'm going to fucking throw up | Текст песни

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• morgan martinez
• i feel like I'm going to fucking throw up

Everytime I open my notepad
I feel embarrassed for myself.

Because it’s really me
who’s the laughing stock
in distress.

I need to stop confusing
the obvious differences
between wanting
and needing something.

Why do I always need the things
that are not good for me,
why am I always choosing the things
that will destroy me?

I am in a constant battle,
with choosing what feels good
even if it hurts.

Because I can look at you
and tell you that hurt
is full of
truth.

And I keep writing about you,
as if I’m writing to you.
I keep writing about you,
with the slight chance you might read it
and come back to me.

But it’s not even what I want.
What I want is inevitable.

I spent years,
getting you to where you needed to be.
I feel like I’m going to fucking throw up,
thinking about the months
I held your pain
in my palms,
and guided you back to sanity.

I feel like I’m going to fucking throw up,
thinking about the struggle,
the fight,
the good days and bad,
where you felt whole,
and I felt like I was doing
my job.

I got you to where you needed to be.

And when I did,
I was left for roadkill.

I feel territorial,
and jealous (you’d like that)
that I dealt with the hard part.
And even the good days with you,
will not make up for the days
that she gets to keep.

I feel like I could scream,
thinking about the things
she gets to see first,
when I was the one
who carried you on my back,
and nursed you into a man.

It’s now that I can only imagine the joy
on your face,
when you start to notice the things
that I cannot be there for.
I feel like I could scream,
thinking about her taking responsibility
for the puzzle that I spent years
putting together.

But if there’s one thing I know,
even if I do have trouble identifying
what I want and what I need,
if hurt is full of truth,
everytime you bleed,
it’ll by my blood
on your hands.

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