morgan martinez - i'm sorry we never made it to amsterdam | Текст песни

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• morgan martinez
• i'm sorry we never made it to amsterdam

Today
I stayed in bed till almost 3 pm,
and there’s nothing endearing about that.

Because I’ve been having difficulty,
paying more attention to my dreams,
avoiding every crossroad reality has
to offer me,
if it means that I get to see you again.

I think I’m finally ready to talk about you.
I think I’m finally ready to tell people, Rocky,
I think I’m finally ready to put my cards on the table,
to throw in the towel,
if it means I can finally
be honest with myself.

When you lose someone you love
to death,
it’s a completely different type of
heartbreak.
There’s a state of shock your body goes through.
You can’t stop your hands
from doing that thing you hate,
you can’t stop your mind
from asking,
what if?

When you’re told you lost someone you love,
to death,
your mind detaches itself from your body.
Rocky, when they told me you died,
I screamed so loud
that I swear Lake Michigan
swallowed my heart whole.

I’m sorry, Rocky.
I’m sorry I fell asleep on our last day together,
I’m sorry I couldn’t say goodbye,
I’m sorry we didn’t read over your script 100 more times,
I’m sorry I said I couldn’t hang out,
I’m sorry I didn’t know what to say,
I’m sorry I questioned your stability,
I’m sorry I thought you were too honest,
I’m sorry I took up the whole bed,
I’m sorry that I didn’t take advantage of your good days,
I’m sorry that I ate all your favorite candy,
I’m sorry we didn’t always do the things you wanted to do,
I’m sorry we never made it to Amsterdam,
Rocky, I’m sorry I didn’t try harder,
I’m sorry I got too drunk at Pride,
I’m sorry you had to take care of me,
I’m sorry I smoked in your car,
I’m sorry we never made it on HGTV,
I’m sorry I choked,
I’m sorry that you met him.
I’m sorry that he yanked on your heart strings, ate what was left of it
and expected you to put it back together,
But Rocky,
how do we fix something
that’s already broken?

It’s in the night that I feel close
to you.

People ask me why I’m never sleeping
the way I should,
people tell me, “he seemed so happy,”
If I would have known, Rocky,
that you would leave my life in my 19th year,
then I would have wrote novels,
the way you wanted it.
I would have made a checklist
of your smile,
of your light,
of the warmth you brought to me,
I would have ran out of room,
I would have ran out of words,
because there’s not enough pen and paper
to describe what you did for me.

There’s not enough time,
to tell you how much you moved me.

We didn’t have enough time.
I’m so scared, Rocky,
thinking about the day
I can’t remember the sound of your voice,
Thinking about the day,
I can’t remember the curve in your spine
when you sit down to eat a meal,
Thinking about the day,
I can’t remember the way your hands shook
when you were upset.
The way you picked up your pen,
The way you looked over at me in the passenger seat, mid-Shania Twain song,
and the longing
in your sighs.

How do we fix something
that’s already broken?

You’d tell me to
wake up,
go outside,
and shut the hell up.

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