Here's a festive tale for you all It was the night before christmas And all around the house Were scattered small puddles of famous grouse An early gift from a maiden arms I thought I'll drink this rot (although I shan't) The plants got a good whiskey watering, though after my risky sauntering home from the club beyond a quick pop in to the pub to extol tales of old to the proles in their rowdy lug-holes though they were cold I know they found my jolly stories rather droll they went down gladly like a tory troll, at a glory hole I degress still, barely made a crease in my Sunday best when I arrive home in a stupor "Oh super" I thought "Father Christmas is a trooper" I'll leave him some port under the tree as a treat That'll set him on his way and a carrot for Rudolph- the helper on his sleigh I placed the offering beneath the tree with a note which read: Santa, thak you yee do enjoy this small treat that I've given thee, but when I woke the fat git had taken liberty. Just one glass of sherry, I thought that was clear, and the carrot was food for the reindeer. Oh Santa, don't dock at my chimney again. An empty bottle beneath the tree and a carrot, besmirched by faecal debris. Oh Santa, don't dock at my chimney again. I come down on christmas morning to a terrible sight, I thought at first a burglar had come in the night; a sherry bottle on the fire and sherry dripping from the ceiling and now the christmas dinner seems somewhat unappealing. Since he did that with a carrot, my confidence is murky as to whether he didn't do something rather similar with the turkey. Next year though, I shall find out the truth; I shall await the cheeky blighter with a shotgun on the roof. If I may be permitted to state a natural fact, Father Christmas committed an unatural act. Oh Santa, don't dock at my chimney again. He finished my supply of fortified wine then he popped a carrot where the sun doesn't shine! Oh Santa, don't dock at my chimney again. Oh I wish he hadn't have done that on christmas day Oh I wish he hadn't have done that on christmas day Oh I wish he hadn't have done that on christmas day If I may be permitted to state a natural fact, Father Christmas committed an unatural act. Oh Santa, don't dock at my chimney again. He finished my supply of fortified wine then he popped a carrot where the sun doesn't shine. Oh Santa, don't dock at my chimney again. Why would he do such a thing at christmas?:'(
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