I have a tendency to believe that any bit of good luck or any extended period of happiness in my life will be soon gone. “A Recurring Dream” is about my decision that one of these periods of good fortune had indeed come to an end with the end of a relationship and that I needed to figure out what to do to move on from it. I had to rationalize my depression, and I felt that the best way to do this was to convince myself that it was bound to end at some point. It was as if I thought that viewing the world as a place where the status quo is misery and any happiness experienced is a pleasant remove from that normalcy was easier than thinking that my actions were responsible for what had changed in my life. The happiness I felt was a dream that I had woken up from and now that I was faced with reality and sadness and winter three years later, my first task now that I was awake again was to convince myself of how to deal with reality. I had to do it by telling myself that I never wanted that happiness anyway. That I shouldn’t have forgotten or ignored the fact that it was destined to end. That I shouldn’t reflect on my “dream” because it wouldn’t do me any good. My conclusion in the song is that even if I prepare myself for the worst by convincing myself that everything will always have a miserable end, telling myself that won’t change anything because I will not know what the end of a period in my life feels like until I experience it, or until I “lie in that grave,” so to speak.
Гуру Песен
My Fictions - Torch / A Recurring Dream