Chris Parnell: We're sitting here today with film star Natalie Portman. Natalie Portman: Hello. Parnell: So, Natalie, what's the day in life of Natalie Portman like? Portman: Do you really want to know? Parnell: Please, tell us.
I don't sleep mother f***er off that yak and that bourbon doin' 120 gettin high while I'm swervin
Seth Meyers: D**n natalie you a crazy chick
Yo shut the f*** up and suck my d**k I'm bustin dudes mouths like gushers mother f***er roll up on NBC and smack the s**t out Jeff Zucker
Guys: What you want Natalie Portman: to drink and fight! Guys: what you need Natalie Guys: to f*** all night!
Don't test me when i'm crazy off that airplane glue put my foot down your throat till you s**t in my shoe leave you screaming pay for my dry cleaning f*** you man It's my name that he's screamin'
Parnell: I'm sorry Natalie, but are we to believe you condone driving while intoxicated? Portman: I never said I was a role model. Parnell: What about the kids who look up to you? Do you have a message for them?
All the kids lookin up to me can suck my d**k It's portman mother f***er drink till i'm sick slit your throat and poor nitrous down the hole watch you laugh and cry while I laugh you die and all the Jews you know I'm talkin to you
Guys: we love you natalie
I wanna f*** you too! P is for portman P is for p***y i'll kill your f**in dog for fun so don't push me
Parnell: Well, Natalie I'm surprised. All this from a Harvard graduate. Portman: Well there's a lot you may not know about me. Parnell: Really? Such as?
When I was in harvard I smoked weed every day I cheated every test and snorted all the yay I gotta def posse and you gotta buncha dudes I sit down on your face and take a s**t
Andy Samberg: Natalie you are a bad @$$ b***h (h**l yah) and I always pay for your dry cleanin when my s**t gets in your shoe as for the drug use well I can vouch for that my d**k is scared of you girl
Parnell: Okie-doke. Natalie, one final question, if you could steal a smooch from any guy in Hollywood, who would it--
(Portman breaks chair over Parnell's head) Portman: No more questions