Navicon Torture Technologies - reasons for ratpoison | Текст песни

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• reasons for ratpoison

another monday, surviving to breathe this decaying atmosphere yet again.
he rises from his coffinbed in his nest.
empty, aching, filled with a silent sorrow that comes from solitude.
this was his choice, this is his punishment.
the quality of this cold air, grey and dead, silent like the slience of that aforementioned sorrow.
his loneliness fills his lungs with fluid and he drowns inside himself, as usual.
there was that time when he held your hand in the rain, looking back on it now it seems like some pathetic dream,
like the one he had recently where you were keeping each other's feet warm by rubbing them together.
and then he woke up. he wishes he could wake up now, his insides have been hollowed out.
instead of organs, he's filled with disease and loathing for himself and everything around him.
he's filled with regret for his stupidity and recriminations for everyone he's ever hurt in his life,
in this quest for something that doesn't exist.
he even feels guilty for loving you. but it doesn't matter, because it's not real for you anyway.
he's just another shadow on your heels.
she reminds him now that this is all his fault, and he accepts that.
it's fuel for his self-hatred, it's what he needs to survive, feeding on the discarded emotional skins of other people,
this is apparently his purpose in life, to travel without moving across an emotional landscape filled with dangers,
to crawl through miles of muck to arrive at the other end reborn and covered in rot,
chewing on the constantly regenerating broken heart in his guts.
the words become a childlike singsong lullaby, he drifts off to sleep alone and cold with them crushing him into the bed:
'but i deserve this. i deserve this. i deserve this.'
because i'm twisted. i'm selfish, i'm self-absorbed, i'm narcissistic, and i'm completely devoid of redeeming qualities.
and you were right to keep your distance, to shrug him off like just another mosquito hunting for the heat of your blood.
he needed more proof that there is no reason for anyone to give a fuck.

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