Nostalgia Critic - I´m a Motherfucking T-Rex | Текст песни

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• I´m a Motherfucking T-Rex

A'right, so I'm walking down the street... you know, whatever... jus' minding my own business [Yeah, yeah I know]. I take a look and I see an Ice Cream Truck, and I'm like aww shit man, y'know I want some ice cream. Cuz it is a hot motherfuckin' day [Well yeah, man...] I want some goddamn ice cream, so you know I go up there all the kids are running away y'know they're like "Oh my god a dinosaur!!" Y'know all that fuck [Pussies!] and I go up there and I say "'ey, I want some mint chocolate chip ice cream." Ice cream man looks at me and says "We don't have any mint chocolate chip ice cream" [Awww...] An' I told him, I said "Dude, I really want some mint chocolate chip ice cream." He says "I'm sorry. We don't have any mint chocolate chip ice cream."...

...SO I ATE THAT BITCH!!!

So I'm waitin' in line at the DMV, [Oh I hate that place] y'know, cuz I moved recently and [Yeah, I know] the, the address on my insurance doesn't match the address on my license. So, you know I, I gotta go in I gotta get that changed. Y'know, they gotta match and shit. [Oh that's a pain in the ass] So I go up to the lady, she's there show her my license and I say "'ey, I need this address changed" She says "You need two articles of mail." So I show her this card that, y'know, my mother wrote me, y'know cuz it's like hey y'know my mother she writes me cards. She's fuckin' cool. Y'know she's my goddamn mom. y'know? [Yeah] So I show this to the lady, and she's like "Oh, no no... sorry. This doesn't count. [Oh shiiiit.] It has to be something that the government recognizes [Oh, that whore.] y'know like a bank statement or a bill or somethin' like that."...

...SO I ATE THAT BITCH!!!

So I'm online at a forum, y'know [Oh yeah?] and I'm tryin' to look up where I can get some good dinosaur porn. Cuz, y'know I'm... I'm a Dinosaur. I want some dinosaur porn [Yeah, you gotta do it, you gotta do it] So you know I'm... I'm lookin' around and ask on some of these porn forums y'know [*laugh*] "Hey, where's the dinosaur porn?" and like everyone's tryin' to act like I'm not there. They're all tryin' to ignore me uhh except for this one kid. Okay, so this one kid decides he wants to answer me. Remember his name is Bobby. Bobby Lou. What the fuck kind of name is Bobby Lou? [Aww...] An' I'm saying "Hey, where's the dinosaur porn at?" and he's like "Dude, what are you, some sort of freak?" I don't like that so okay, so I'm like "I just want my dinosaur porn, okay? I... I don't want to cause any trouble." And he says "What? You a T-Rex or something?" I say "Yeah, yeah I am a T-Rex or somethin'" an' he says "What the hell you gonna do with dinosaur porn? Your arms are so small you can't even touch it." [Oh no...]

So I found out what state this guy was in, bought a plane ticket reserved a whole entire row, you know because I'm so goddamn big, flew to Alabama to get a connecting flight. Finally got dropped off in Texas, hailed a cab, the driver didn't speak English, but I didn't care. He understood the address. So he drove me there. I rang the kid's doorbell waited a minute, he didn't answer, so I climbed into his window found out which room was his, bust open the door...

...AND I ATE THAT BITCH!!!

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