when I failed out of college a huge weight was lifted from my chest
through degrees of separation I found that degrees were separating us only serving the cause of labeling us most likely to be happy society told me how to be but I find I'm much happier being me
I will never define myself or those around me, by the level of education under their belt because that's a boring fucking way to be a worthless spacious machine
and the guilt at first killed me another fuck-up in the family but the pressure was too much
—every panic attack every class every stare I wanted to take my father's pistol and say goodbye to my friends wanted to lose my head shaking until cold lost my dignity with every shake of the hand—
I'm scared of what's ahead but I'd rather be afraid than continue to be dead