Kathy, my iceberg, my comet, my blue bird, my cut with the steady drain. Nothing, but no-one can take you where you don’t want and that’s a shame. Talk to her maybe, I’m half off the wagon, and six feet under ground. Walking so slowly, I can barely feel the grass or distinguish the sound. And you didn’t even feel strange But your friends all told you that you’d changed Now Kathy loves Johnny but Johnny’s got a lot on his mind right now He’s pluckin’ up the courage to retire to the country and buy a plow but if you get up bright and early you might even catch some sweat on that honest brow But you get to be the pig, or you get to be the cow. The cow, The cow, The cow, the cow, the cow. Johnny my first mate, my cupcake, my blind date my pretty, little, wide-eyed drone pick up your blade and join the crusade it can’t be worse than sitting at home. Alone in your king size you cough and clutch your sides and dream of silver trays, brass bells and dark suits, calm, conservative mutes and Kathy, just because she’s away. And you didn’t even feel strange But your friends all told you that you’d changed Now Johnny loves Kathy but Kathy’s got a lot on her mind right now she’s gotta tell her mama how she’s gone and got herself in a fix, somehow but if you get up bright and early you might even catch some sweat on that honest brow But you get to be the pig, or you get to be the cow. The cow. The cow. The cow, the cow, the- can’t be the horse, I’m the horse. Oh no, you can’t be the horse, I’m the horse. Oh no, you can’t be the horse, I’m the horse. Oh no, you can’t be the horse, I’m the horse. You can’t be the chicken cause we outlawed fowl And you can’t be the wolf because we outlawed howlin’. You can’t be the trout because we outlawed fish And you can’t be the farmer cause we outlawed the Irish And you can’t be the ram because Johnny asked first And you can’t be the ewe, because Kathy? That’s hers And you can’t be the dog or the cat or the mouse No you can’t be the flea, or the tick or the louse Oh no, You can’t be the horse, I’m the horse. Oh no, You can’t be the horse, I’m the horse. Oh no, You can’t be the horse, I’m the horse. Oh no, You can’t be the horse, I’m the horse. You’re the pig or the cow.