I'm one of a long line of good girls Who choose the wrong guy to be sweet on The girl with a face that says welcome That men can wipe their feet on
I'm there when he calls me The trusted girl Friday alright But what good does it do me Alone on a Saturday night
If you need a gal To go without sal'ry and work too hard You can always count on me The kind of a pal Who'd sneak you a file past the prison guard Loyal to the N'th degree
The boss is quite the ladies man And that's my biggest gripe 'Til I showed up he's never hired A girl 'cause she could type
I'm no femme fatal But faithful and true as a Saint Bernard Barkin' up the wrong damn tree You can always count on me
I don't need a map I nat'rally head for the dead end street You can always count on me I'm caught in a trap When joy is approaching, then I retreat I'm at home with misery
I've been, "The other woman" Since my puberty began I crashed the junior prom And met the only married man
I'm always on tap For romance or choc'late that's bitter sweet You can always count on me A matter of fact If you want an ill-fated love affair You can always count on me
Though I've made a pact To carry out research Before I care Men don't give a warranty
One Joe who swore, he's single Got me sorta crocked, the beast I woke up only slightly shocked That I'd defrocked a priest
Or else I attract The guys who are longing to do my hair You can always count on me I go for the riff raff Who's treating me so so When I can play the second fiddle, I'm a virtuoso
I should be playing for a wedding band But there're no wedding rings attached Though you can bet There're strings attached
Though my kind of dame No doubt will die out like the dinosaurs You can always count on me I'm solely to blame My head gives advice that my heart ignores I'm my only enemy
I choose the kind who cannot Introduce the girl he's with There're lots of smirking motel clerks Who call me, "Mrs. smith"
But I've made a name With hotel detectives who break down doors Guess who they expect to see You can always count on, bet a large amount on You can always count on me