"I wish I had one o'them horses that's on a stick... put it between your legs... jump up and down with it... those are fun...."
"Hilde..."
"Yeah Billy-Lee..."
"I was perusing the interweb the other day in search of new and interesting forms of pornography, and I came across something very interesting which juxtaposed against Aunt Momma's missionary position on alcohol."
"Oh she didn't like alcohol..."
"No she did not! But this here fact kind of undermines that position. Which I... assume is a bad position. The key figure in her mythology, a mister... Jesus, apparently... used to turn water... into wine."
"No shit!?!"
"Yes, and I have an idea. I'm lookin' around the room here, I see a lot of people with Aquafina. I'm thinking if we find Jesus and get him down here, we can take that Aquafina, turn it into wine... take this punk-rock party up a notch. Whadya say?"
"I say: HEY JESUS!"
And behold there was an angel And she took me by the hand Led me deep into the chamber Mother's belly underground I found comfort in this darkness As a child in the womb Unafraid my eyes were open Silent Angel filled the room
Then Mr. Jesus "Hey Jesus!" Saved our party "Hey Jesus!" With his wine "Hey Jesus!"
It's the Legend of the Sour Grapes
She bade me peer through yonder portal To heaven just before the sun And behold a morning angel Whispering "follow me now son" With her light as though a finger Pointing to the other wall Traced a path of five di-rections And behold a holy star
Then Mr. Jesus "Hey Jesus!" Saved our party "Hey Jesus!" With his wine "Hey Jesus!"
It's the Legend of the Sour Grapes
"Ok now Billy-Lee, this Jesus... he sounds awful talented."
"Very!"
"Now do you think...you know how I make that spinach dip and I put it in the sour-bread bowl? Now do ya think he could take my spinach dip and turn it into something maybe a little bit more useful like... I don't know... cocaine?!?"
"I beleive he can! See, I was cruising his wikipedia file and as it turns out: Mr. Jesus was a very talented fellow. He could not only clear up exzema, work on your acne, fix retards ("Wow"), and get this: Master of Watersports! So I don't think it's that much of a stretch. He could not only turn your awful spinach dip into cocaine... I think we could skip right over the wine. Let's take that water... turn it into tequila."
"Fuckin-A Jesus! He's Amazing!"
Jesus "Hey Jesus!" Saved our party "Hey Jesus!" With his wine "Hey Jesus!" And Cocaine "Oh Jesus!"