so much that i can't say to you my voice shakes from the hurt that i hide ashamed of my existence and of my petty often wounded pride i'd like to come home to see you and to catch your sickness by the bedside but then you'd know how much i really need you all the love in an instant makes my life stop but then my hate for you makes my feelings altogether drop if only i were blind to your selfish fling and your desperate cause and didn't press you for the details that threaten my physical flaws i'd like to come home to see you and embrace your illness under soft light but then you'd know how much i really need you all the love in an instant makes my life stop but then my hate for you makes my feelings altogether drop so much that i can say to you with affection that i burn inside you're aching from the distance avoiding strain that's running still alive if only i could heal you in the sprinkling of the ocean side but then you'd know how much i really love you all the love in an instant makes my life stop but then my hate for you makes my feelings altogether drop