Yes, many times… because I don't worship this existence. So therefore it's the… it's a driving force for me… is to die. It's the only power I can get, you know, from… the only reason why I'm still here is because I want to die in a certain way. And I want to achieve some things. I wouldn't dare to die with a weak soul, I wouldn't dare to die with a human goodness or a human light in my mind.
It's just that I want to clean my soul a little bit from the shit here, so…