Sketches - Superman and the psychiatrist | Текст песни

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• Superman and the psychiatrist

Scene: A psychiatrist's consulting
room
Characters: A psychiatrist, Angela (the
psychiatrist's receptionist), Mr.
Wilkins, Superman
The receptionist comes in.
Psychiatrist: Who's next, Angela?
Receptionist: There's a man to see you, doctor.
His name is Wilkins. He
says he can't talk quietly. He
can only shout.
Mr. Wilkins: Can I come in?!!
Psychiatrist: Hmm. Yes, I see. Ask him to
come in.
Receptionist: Come in, Mr. Wilkins.
(He comes in. The receptionist
goes out.)
Mr. Wilkins: Thank you! Hello, doctor. Sorry
to trouble you.
Psychiatrist: That's all right, Mr. Wilkins. Do
sit down. Now... what seems
to be the trouble?
Mr. Wilkins: Er...Well, doctor, I can't talk
quietly, I can only shout.
Psychiatrist: (Shouting) How long have you
been like this?
Mr. Wilkins: Pardon?
Psychiatrist: (Back to normal) How long
have you been like this
Mr. Wilkins: About a week.
Psychiatrist: Well, don't worry. I think
you've got a very nice shouting
voice.
Mr. Wilkins: But I can't go on like this. I'll
lose my job.
Psychiatrist: What is your job?
Mr. Wilkins: I'm a librarian. I work in a
library. I can't shout at work,
you know.
Psychiatrist: In that case, Mr. Wilkins, I
think you should change your
job.
Mr. Wilkins: But what can I do? No one
wants a man who can only
shout.
Psychiatrist: You could get a job as an
English teacher.
Mr. Wilkins: An English teacher?
Psychiatrist: Yes, they shout all the time.
Mr. Wilkins: All right, doctor. I'll do that.
Goodbye.
Psychiatrist: Goodbye, Mr. Wilkins.
(He leaves, still shouting.)
Mr. Wilkins: Hey, you! Write down this
verb!
Receptionist: Goodbye, Mr. Wilkins.
The receptionist comes back
into the room.
Receptionist: Is Mr. Wilkins all right, doctor?
Psychiatrist: Yes. He's going to be an
English teacher.
Receptionist: Oh.
Psychiatrist: Who's next?
Receptionist: Superman.
Psychiatrist: Superman?
Receptionist: Yes.
Psychiatrist: Oh, I see,. someone who
thinks he's Superman.
Receptionist: No, doctor. He really is
Superman.
Psychiatrist: What? The big, strong man
who flies through the air?
Receptionist: Yes.
Psychiatrist: Oh, I see. Ask him to come in.
Receptionist: Yes, doctor. (To Superman)
Come this way, please.
(Superman comes in, very
tired and out-of-breath.)
Superman: Thank you.
Psychiatrist: Thank you, Angela.
(The receptionist goes out.)
Psychiatrist: Good morning, Mr...er...
Superman: Superman.
Psychiatrist: Yes, Superman. Do sit down.
(Superman sits down.)
Superman: Thank you.
Psychiatrist: Well, what seems to be the
trouble?
Superman: Well, doctor, I'm Superman.
People think I can do everything,
but I can't. I can't do
anything any more.
Psychiatrist: What can't you do?
Superman: I can't climb buildings, I can't
lift cars...and I can't fly.
Psychiatrist: Well, don't worry. A lot of people
have that problem.
Superman: But you don't understand. I'm
Superman. If you can't fly, you
can't be Superman. It's in the
contract.
Psychiatrist: Ah yes, I see.
Superman: In the old days, when people
called for Superman, I could
run into a telephone box, take
off my boring grey city suit,
and become Superman, all in
ten seconds. Yesterday, I went
into a telephone box, and it
took me fifteen minutes just to
take off my trousers. And
when I came out, I couldn't
remember where I was going.
What do you think of that?
(The psychiatrist is asleep.)
Superman: Eh?
Psychiatrist: (Waking up) Er. What? Pardon?
Superman: What do you think?
Psychiatrist: I think you should change your
job.
Superman: But what can I do?
Psychiatrist: Well, you've got a very nice
face. You could be a pop
singer.
Superman: A pop singer?
Psychiatrist: Yes, I can see it all now. Your
name will be in lights! You'll be
famous!
Superman: But I am famous. I'm
Superman.
Psychiatrist: Not any more. From today,
you are Rocky Superdazzle!
Superman: Do you think it's a good idea?
Psychiatrist: Yes, of course...Rocky,
(The receptionist comes in
again.)
Receptionist: Doctor
Psychiatrist: Yes, Angela?
Receptionist: Mr. Wilkins is back again,
(Mr. Wilkins comes in, shouting
as before.)
Mr. Wilkins: Yes, I am. I've changed my
mind. I don't want to be an
English teacher. What else can
I do?
Psychiatrist: Don't worry, Mr Wilkins. I've
got another job for you. You
can work with Rocky
Superdazzle here.
Superman: How do you do?
Mr. wilkins: Rocky Superdazzle? That's not
Rocky Superdazzle! That's
Superman, I saw him in a telephone
box yesterday.
Superman! Huh! It took him
fifteen minutes just to take off
his trousers.
Psychiatrist: Well, he was Superman, but
he's not Superman any more.
I think you can both work
together...
(A few weeks later, at a pop
concert.)
Mr. Wilkins: Ladies and gentlemen, you've
heard of Rod Stewart! You've
heard of Mick Jagger! You've
heard of...Queen Elizabeth the
Second of England! Well,
tonight we present a new star
on the pop scene. He's cooler
than Rod Stewart! He's wilder
than Mick Jagger! And
he's...taller than Queen
Elizabeth the Second of
England! Ladies and gentlemen
- Rocky Superdazzle!
(The audience screams and
applauds.)
Superman: Thank you! Thank you very
much! Thank you!

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