Sketches - The travel agency | Текст песни

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• The travel agency

Scene: A travel agency in London
Characters: A travel agent, Martin and
Brenda Spencer
The travel agent is sitting at his desk in the
travel agency. The phone rings.
Travel agent: (On the telephone) Honest
Harry's Happy Holidays. Can I
help you? Oh, it's you,
sir...This is Perkins speaking,
yes...The holidays in Brighton?
Well, I haven't sold very
many...I'm doing my best, but
people aren't interested in
Brighton these days. My job?
Yes, I do like my job...Yes; I do
want to keep my job...Yes, sir.
All right, I'll sell some holidays
in Brighton. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.
Goodbye.
(He puts the phone down.)
Travel agent: Oh, dear.
(Martin and Brenda come in.)
Martin: Go on, Brenda.
Brenda: Excuse me, is this a travel
agency?
Travel agent: No, madam. It's a fish and
chip shop.
Brenda: Oh, sorry. Come on, Martin.
Travel agent: No, no, this is a travel agency.
Just a little joke.
Brenda: Oh.
Travel agent: Yes, welcome to Honest
Harry's Happy Holidays. Do sit
down.
Brenda: Thank you.
Martin: Thank you.
(They sit down.)
Travel agent: What can I do for you?
Brenda: We'd like some information
about holidays.
Travel agent: Oh, good.
Martin: Yes, we'd like to go somewhere
interesting.
Travel agent: Somewhere interesting? Have
you been to Brighton?
Martin: Brighton? No, we haven't -
Travel agent: Really?
Brenda: and we don't want to, either.
Travel agent: Why not?
Martin: Well, it's not exciting. We want
to go somewhere exciting.
Travel agent: Oh, I see. How about the
Sahara Desert?
Brenda: The Sahara Desert?
Travel agent: Yes, Have you ever been
there?
Martin: No, we haven't,
Travel agent: Well, this is the holiday for
you. Forty-five days in the
middle of the Sahara Desert.
Brenda: In the middle of the Sahara
Desert? Is there anything to
do?
Travel agent: Oh yes, there's plenty to do.
Have you ever been in a sandstorm?
Martin: A sandstorm? No, we haven't,
Travel agent: Oh well, it's very exciting.
There are sandstorms nearly
every day. And lots of dangerous
snakes. Have you ever
been bitten by a dangerous
snake?
Martin- Brenda: No!
Travel agent: Oh well, it's very exciting.
Brenda: No, I don't think we'd like
Travel agent: Sandstorms, dangerous
snakes, and, on the last day,
a stampede of camels!
Martin: A stampede of camels? What's
that?
Travel agent: Haven't you ever seen a stampede
of camels?
Martin: No.
Travel agent: Oh, it's very exciting. You
stand in the middle of three
hundred camels; someone
fires a gun in the air - Bang!
and all the camels get frightened
and run away.
Brenda: With us standing in the middle?
Travel agent: Yes. Have you ever seen a
frightened camel?
Brenda: No. Is it exciting?
Travel agent: Exciting? It's terrifying!
Martin: Isn't it dangerous?
Travel agent: Of course it's dangerous!
That's what makes it exciting!
Martin: Er...how much is it?
Travel agent: £800.
Brenda: £800!
Travel agent: And £5 extra for the stampede
of camels.
Brenda: That's very expensive.
Travel agent: Ah, I see. You want something
cheaper. Um...how about the
Arctic Ocean? Have you ever
been to the Arctic?
Martin: No, we haven't,
Travel agent: Well, we can give you three
weeks in a small boat in the
Arctic Ocean. Each boat has a
small hole in the bottom.
Brenda: A hole in the bottom?
Travel agent: and you have enough food for
ten days.
Martin: Ten days?
Travel agent: That's right.
Martin: But the holiday is for three
weeks.
Travel agent: That's what makes it exciting!
And it's only £600.
Brenda: £600! It's still much too
expensive for us.
Martin: Have you got anything a little
bit cheaper?
Travel agent: Cheaper...well, I don't know.
Let me see...Um...Oh, yes.
Now this is a holiday to
remember. The Amazon jungle.
Have you been to the
Amazon jungle?
Martin: No, we haven't.
Travel agent: Well, this may be the holiday
for you. We drop you into the
middle of the Amazon jungle
by parachute.
Martin: By parachute!
Travel agent: Yes, we drop you into the middle
of the Amazon jungle, with
a map.
Brenda: Well, at least you get a map.
Travel agent: with a map of the London
Underground.
Brenda: Oh. I don't think we'd like that.
It sounds very dangerous.
Travel agent: Yes, but it's very exciting! This
is the twentieth century.
People want exciting holidays.
You said you wanted an exciting
holiday.
Martin: But all your holidays are dangerous,
expensive, and too far
away from home.
Travel agent: Oh, I see. Now you want
something nearer home.
Martin: Er...yes.
Travel agent: Have you ever been to Spain?
Martin: No, we haven't.
Travel agent: We can offer you a month,
fighting the strongest bulls in
Spain.
Brenda: Bullfighting? No, I don't want
to do that.
Travel agent: Oh. Have you ever been to
Paris?
Martin: No, we haven't.
Travel agent: What about ten days in
Paris?...
Martin: That sounds marvelous!
Travel agent: ...painting the outside of the
Eiffel Tower.
Brenda- Martin: No, thanks!
Travel agent: Well, what about two weeks in
Brighton?
Brenda: No, thanks!
Martin: Just a minute. Did you say
'Brighton'?
Travel agent: Yes. How about two weeks in
Brighton, staying in a nice
quiet hotel by the sea?
Brenda: Well, yes...
Martin: Yes, that sounds wonderful!
Travel agent: It's not very exciting. No
camels, no snakes, but you
can't have everything, can
you?
Brenda: No. That's very nice. We'll take
it.
Martin: How much is it?
Travel agent: £50 each, please. Could you
just sign this form for the
reservations?
(He gives Martin a form.)
Travel agent: Just here, please. Alarm signs.
Travel agent: Thank you. And here. And
here. And here. And... here.
Thank you.
Brenda: Thank you very much.
Martin: Goodbye.
Travel agent: Goodbye and I hope you enjoy
your holiday.
(Martin and Brenda leave. The
telephone rings.)
Travel agent: On the telephone Honest
Harry's Happy Holidays. Can I
help you?... Well, we've got
some very nice holidays in
Brighton, as a matter of fact...

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