Valmont: Some men are born with money Some men are born with looks Some men are born with knowledge You won't find in Descartes' books
One man is given talent While one is born with strength Some men are born with shoulders wide While some endowed with length
But once in every century there comes a blessed morn A man like moi with all the gifts I've listed here is born So this has been my credo since I was very young I say "It's not my fault", or to put it in my tongue:
"Ce n'est pas ma faute" I'm really not to blame I fear you'll have to ask the Lord above why men do not come out the same The day that I was born I crowned just like a prince, it's true A nursemaid pinched my derriere and ladies have been pinching ever since Whoo!
My mother heard me cry She offered up her breast Then as a man I learned to use that sad routine to sample all the rest But when I list my conquests It's certainly not meant to gloat It's to remind you all that ce n'est pas ma faute
Ce n'est pas ma faute I've caused so many rifts It's truly both a blessing and a curse that I must always share these gifts A tutor named Claudine Once taught me all she knew And when I had exhausted all she had then I taught her a thing or two
The pantry was the place A serving wench, Suzette (Nice crepes) Taught me a brand-new recipe then had me serve it to her on brochette And so I say to all the crying cuckolds With their hands around my throat "I'll have her home by ten" and ce n'est pas ma faute
En garde! Coupe! And coup d'arret! The pesky duels won't go away It's simply not my fault that I'm adored Touche, seconde, arete, riposte It's just a fact I do not boast I'm blessed with something mightier than either pen or sword
Now dance, wenches, dance!
Ladies: Ce n'est pas ma faute He's really not to blame
Valmont: The problem is the moth that's always circling the flame
Ladies: Ce n'est pas ma faute It's really not his fault
Valmont: I'm gifted with a treasure, so why keep it in the vault?
Ladies: Ce n'est pas ma faute Please don't castrate the bull
Valmont: I beg you don't demagnetize the magnet for it's pull
Ladies: Oh!
Valmont: Pull!
Ladies: Oh!
Valmont: Pull!
Ladies: Oh!
Valmont: So if you want to find me I'll be pitching tents beneath your petticoat I see what keeps this lass afloat I choose this wench to motorboat No sheep is safe from this old goat I'll need some help on this last note