MARK Now and then we like to play one guitar together And that's convenient since we only have the one Tony sold our other instruments To pay some gangsters but he's still in debt And if they catch him he will surely be dismembered Tony is addicted to wide array of narcotics He claims they help him write but we're a cover band I'm not sure why we keep him in the band Maybe it's because he drives the van The rest of us can only drive an automatic TODD This used to just be my guitar Now Dave is banging on it like he's fucking Tito Puente We look sad because we're starved Tonight for dinner we're splitting a candy bar We are the poorest band in the world We have to act like we are camping, but we're really homeless I don't even own this voice We had to borrow it from Peter Gabriel Don't you know you gotta shock the monkey MARK Climbing up on Salsbury Hill TODD Sledge hammer DOUG OOMPA LOOMPA DOPATY DO My feet are cold cus Tony sold my shoes STASIA I don't think that we should blame our problems all on Tony Tony not the only dead beat in this band I don't want to name any names But Derek, Timothy, and Dave Each have fooled around with me I threw up this morning and I'm gonna have a band baby TODD You could've mentioned that before How can we afford to put a kid through kindergarten. MARK Hey guys where did Tony go You all know that Tony can't be left alone TODD Now he's got the camera and If he sells it then we'll officially have nothing Theres nothing Tony can't destroy But none of us knows do the plinky noise EVERYONE The clinky noise TODD We need Tony EVERYONE To do the clinky noise TODD Somebody get Tony EVERYONE He does the clinky noise TODD And send us some money EVERYONE For the clinky noise STASIA My stomach feels funny