A Musical [Brad Oscar, Brian d'Arcy James & Rotten Ensemble]
Nick (Spoken): What the hell are musicals?
Nostradamus (Spoken): It appears to be a play where the dialogue stops And the plot is conveyed through song
Nick (Spoken): Through song?
Nostradamus: Yes.
Nick: Wait, so an actor is saying his lines and out of nowhere he just starts singing?
Nostradamus: Yes.
Nick: Well that is the (Singing) Stupidest thing that I have ever heard You're doing a play, got something to say So you sing it? It's absurd Who on earth is going to sit there while an actor breaks into song And what possible thought could the audience think Other than "This is horribly wrong"
Nostradamus (Spoken): Remarkably? They won't think that
Nick (Spoken:) Seriously? Why not?
Nostradamus: Because it's a musical A musical And nothing's as amazing as a musical With song and dance And sweet romance And happy endings happening by happenstance Bright lights, stage fights, and a dazzling chorus You wanna be great? Then you gotta create a musical
Nick (Spoken): I don't know I find it hard to believe that people would actually pay to see something like this
Nostradamus: Let's just say it's a Saturday night And you wanna go out on the town Got a lady to flatter who might give it up if you don't let her down You could go see a tragedy That wouldn't be very fun Or a play from Greek mythology See a mother have sex with her son, euggh You could see a drama With all of the trauma and pain Or you could see something more relaxing and less taxing on the brain
You could go see a musical A musical A puppy piece, releasing all your blues-ical Where crude is cool (Ahhh) A catchy tune And limber-legged ladies thrill you 'til you swoon Oohs, ahhs, big applause, and a standing ovation
Nostradamus & Ensemble: The future is bright If you could just write a musical
Nostradamus: Some make you happy Some make you sad Some are quite big Some quite small Some are too long Some are just plays with song Some musicals have no talking at all
Nick (Spoken): No talking at all
Nostradamus: That's right There's no talking All of the dialogue is song In a very dramatic fashion
Nick (Spoken): Um, really?
Nostradamus: Yes, really
Nick (Spoken): There's no talking
Nostradamus: There's no talking And they often stay on one note for a very long time So when they change to a different note, you notice And it's supposed to create a dramatic effect But mostly you just sit there asking yourself "Why aren't they talking?"
Nick (Spoken): That sounds miserable
Nostradamus: I believe it's pronounced Misérable
Nick (Spoken): And people actually like this?
Nostradamus: (Spoken) No, they love it, and what's not to love! It's such a delight There's nothing quite like a musical
(Spoken) Another vision! I haven't even told you the best part yet! Feel that fascinating rhythm moving to your feet Whoa, whoa (Um, what is that) Feel your ass gyrating to that titillating beat (Are you okay?) You slap your lap And finger snap That's when you know it's time to tap Oh
Nick (Spoken): What the hell are you doing now?
Nostradamus (Spoken): It's called a dance break Apparently this happens in musicals as well People on stage just burst into spontaneous dance
Nick (Spoken): Why? Does it advance the plot? (No) Advance character? (Not necessarily) Then why do it?
Nostradamus (Spoken): Because it's entertaining! 5, 6, 7, 8
Another vision! It's a musical Whaddya talk, whaddya talk It's a musical! A Suessical? No, a musical with girls on stage
Ensemble: A musical
Nostradamus: We've got snappy repartees And the women are risqué And the chorus boys are kind of gay
Ensemble: A musical
Nostradmaus: A true, blue, new
Nostradamus & Ensemble: Musical
Nostradamus (Spoken): Stand back, it's a musical! Some musicals are very serious
Nostradamus & Ensemble: A big, glittering musical A musical It's a musical for us!
Nostradamus: A big and shiny, Mighty fine-y, glitter, glitz, and chorus line-y Bob your head and shake your hiney Musical It's a musical (It's a musical) It is a musical (It's a musical)
Nick: (Spoken) Yes! I get it now! We'll do a musical (No kidding) A musical What could be more amazing than a musical With song and dance And sweet romance And with a musical we might have half a chance
Nostradamus & Nick: Oohs, ahhs, big applause with everyone cheering for us
Nostradamus: And for some unexplainable reason The crowd goes wild every time When dancers kick in unison in one big wonderful line
All: And then you got yourself a musical A musical A la, la, la, la, la, la, la palooza-sical With splashy style and a big fake smile A snazzy pants, some jazzy hands, I swear that I'll Cross my heart, hope to die if it isn't a doozy
Nostradamus: Take it from me They'll be flocking to see
Nostradamus & Nick: Your star lit Won't quit Big hit Musical