Hard to Be the Bard [Christian Borle & Rotten Ensemble]
SHAKESPEARE: My days are so busy it's making me dizzy There's so much I gotta do There's lunches and meetings and poetry readings and endless interviews Gotta pose for a portrait and how I deplore sitting there for eternity Then it's off to the inn Where my innkeeper friend Wants to name a drink after me Then it's back to my room, where I resume My attempt to write a hit Just me and my beer and the terrible fear That I might be losing it
And it's hard,
MAN SERVANTS: It's hard
SHAKESPEARE: It's hard,
MAN SERVANTS: It's hard
SHAKESPEARE: It's really hard So very very hard
MAN SERVANTS: It's really hard Very very hard
SHAKESPEARE: I make it look easy but honey believe me It's hard
MAN SERVANTS: It's hard
SHAKESPEARE: It's hard,
MAN SERVANTS: It's hard
SHAKESPEARE: It's so
SHAKESPEARE & MAN SERVANTS: Incredibly hard So inconceivably, unbelievably hard
SHAKESPEARE: It's hard to be the bard
Honestly, I don't know how I do it. There's only so much of me to go around.
I've got so many fans With so many demands I can hardly go take a piss
MAN SERVANTS: He can't pee
SHAKESPEARE: Be it theater-freak or The autograph-seeker They all want a piece of this
MAN SERVANTS: Gimme, Gimme
SHAKESPEARE: It's a cross that I bear, I'm like Jesus, I swear It's a burden but I suffer through it
MAN SERVANTS: He is suffering
SHAKESPEARE: It's all part of the game, The trappings of fame But somebody's gotta do it
MAN SERVANTS: So he does it
SHAKESPEARE: And I know, I know, I gotta go And get back to my pen and ink Oh don't make me do it, Don't make me go through it Can somebody get me a drink!
'Cause it's hard
MAN SERVANTS: It's hard
SHAKESPEARE: It's hard,
MAN SERVANTS: It's hard
SHAKESPEARE: It's really really hard It's sexy but it's hard
MAN SERVANTS: It's really hard Sexy but it's hard
SHAKESPEARE: This bar that I'm Raising to be this amazing! It's hard,
MAN SERVANTS: It's hard
SHAKESPEARE: It's hard,
MAN SERVANTS: It's hard
SHAKESPEARE: It's so
SHAKESPEARE & MAN SERVANTS: Annoyingly hard So unavoidably, unenjoyably hard
SHAKESPEARE: It's hard to be the bard, baby
I know writing made me famous, but being famous is just so much more fun. You see...
What people just don't understand Is that writing's demanding It's mentally challenging and it's a bore It's such a chore TO sit in a room by yourself
Oh my god, I just hate it!
And you're trying to find An opening line or a brilliant idea And you're pacing the floor And hoping for just a bit of divine intervention That one little nugget that one little spark Then Eureka! You find it you're ready to start So now you can write, right? Wrong! You're not even close, you remember that damn it, Your play's gotta be in iambic pentameter! So you write down a word but it's not the right word, So you try a new word but you hate the new word And you need a good word but you can't find the word Oh where is it, what is it, what is it, where is it! Blah-blah-blah, ha ha, ah-ha -UGHHHHHHHH!
VALET: Sir.
SHAKESPEARE: Hello.
VALET: You asked for information on what Nicholas Bottom is writing. Our spy is here with the news.
SHAKESPEARE: Did he see me losing it?
VALET: He's half blind, sir.
SHAKESPEARE: Oh, good. Then he only saw half of it. You see what I did? Ha ha. Speak, man. What news?
EYEPATCH MAN: I saw Nick Bottom, I did. He paid a soothsayer to foresee what Shakespeare's greatest play would be.
SHAKESPEARE: That sneaky little thief! Why doesn't he come up with his own ideas!?
MAN SERVANTS: It's hard
SHAKESPEARE: No. It is, isn't it? It's really the worst
MAN SERVANTS: It's hard
SHAKESPEARE: Makes me wonder why I didn't think of that first
MAN SERVANTS: It's hard
SHAKESPEARE: Hard to alleviate the pressure to create
MAN SERVANTS: It's hard
SHAKESPEARE: Hard to do something as good as the last thing I did that was already great
MAN SERVANTS: It's hard
SHAKESPEARE: It's hard,
MAN SERVANTS: So hard that he is stealing from the bard
SHAKESPEARE: Well I'll hoist him by his petard All I need is a clever disguise
MAN SERVANTS: Clever disguise
SHAKESPEARE: I'll make him pay for those devious lies
MAN SERVANTS: Devious lies
SHAKESPEARE: Let him do all the tedious stuff The work that's terribly and unbearably hard Cause it's hard
MAN SERVANTS: It's totally hard
SHAKESPEARE & MAN SERVANTS: It's hard
MAN SERVANTS: It's totally hard
SHAKESPEARE & MAN SERVANTS: It's hard
MAN SERVANTS: It's totally hard
SHAKESPEARE: I've got fortune and fame Everyone knows my name I can't help it if it's so freakin' hard