Merry Fucking Christmas Mr Garrison: I heard there is no Christmas in the silly Middle East. No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus, they have different religious beliefs. They believe in Muhammad and not in our holiday And so every December I go to the Middle East and say:
"Hey there Mr. Muslim, Merry fucking Christmas! Put down that book the Koran and hear some holiday wishes. In case you haven't noticed, It's Jesus's birthday, So get off your heathen Muslim ass and fucking celebrate."
There is no holiday season in India I've heard They don't hang up their stockings and that is just absurd. They've never read a Christmas story. They don't know what Rudolph is about And that is why in December I'll go to India and shout:
"Hey there Mr. Hinduist, Merry fucking Christmas! Drink eggnog and eat some beef and pass it to the missis. In case you haven't noticed, it's Jesus's birthday , So get off your heathen Hindu ass and fucking celebrate!"
Now I heard that in Japan everyone just lives in sin They pray to several gods and put needles in their skin. On December 25th all they do is eat a cake And that is why I go to Japan and walk around and say:
"Hey there Mr. Shintoist, Merry fucking Christmas! God is going to kick your ass, you infidelic pagan scum. In case you haven't noticed, there's festive things to do, So lets all rejoice for Jesus and Merry fucking Christmas to you."
On Christmasday I travel 'round the world and say: "Taoists, Krishnas, Buddhists, And all you atheists too, Merry Fucking Christmas, To You!" Thank you Mr. Hat.