I am Kratos, The Destroyer I'm the harbringer of death All of the Gods tremble before me As they draw their final breath In my first twelve games, I murdered every Lord the earth has seen Now what immortal foes await me here in God of War 13? Kratos, you are power mad! You're evil and insane! Your killing streak was vicious Now only us lesser Gods remain You slayed my father, Ares The overlord of endless war So now you'll face me, Chaires The overlord of Chairs and Drawers! Let's do this!
The world's out of control (So sad, this planet gone!) Kratos killed them all And now we're running out of Gods The ones that we have left... They're not the best, but they're our last line of defense So, here comes Spermes The God of Busting Nuts The Mighty Twerkeles He is the Lord of Jiggly Butts And no, not all is lost We have Posoydon sacred God of Sushi Sauce
ENOUGH! Don't mock me with these weaklings I could slay with my bare hands! I killed the God of Love, the God of Light, and the God of One-Night Stands! I killed the God of Tweezers, Puppets, Speedos, Footballs, Skiis, and Sand And I even ayed-slay the ittle-lay itch-bay od-gay of Pig Latin! (slayed the little bitch God) No more of these pathetic pawns Their blood has all been spilled We shall unleash a champion That's worthy of your skill Now here he is, from distant lands Our savior so divine [Egoraptor:] What's up, Kratos? I'm the God of Baked Potatoes OW, MY SPINE!
Holy shit there's more He's mowing through them all There goes the God of S'mores And also Thumbtacks, Lamps, and Balls Just one last God remains Who is this mystery lord? He shall save our domain! I am the God of That Thing Where You're Just About To Sneeze But Then Your Friend is All "Hey, what's up?" And You Suddenly Freeze But Then You Still Have That Nose Tingle It's A Horrible Tease And You're Like "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!"
Auughhh! Agh, Kratos, you are such a dick! [Kratos:] Yes, I know It's awesome