Stephen Briggs - Rob Anybody writes (from A Hat Full of Sky by Terry Pratchett) | Текст песни

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• Stephen Briggs
• Rob Anybody writes (from A Hat Full of Sky by Terry Pratchett)

The Nac Mac Feegle of the Chalk hated writing for all kinds of reasons, but the biggest one was this: writing stays. It fastens words down. A man can speak his mind and some nasty wee scuggan will write it down and who knows what he'll do with those words? Ye might as weel nail a man's shadow tae the wall!
But now they had a new kelda, and a new kelda brings new ideas. That's how it's supposed to work. It stopped a clan getting too set in its ways. Kelda Jeannie was from the Long Lake clan, up in the mountains - and they did write things down.
She didn't see why her husband shouldn't, either. And Rob Anybody was finding out that Jeannie was definitely a kelda.
Sweat was dripping off his forehead. He'd once fought a wolf all by himself, and he'd cheerfully do it again with his eyes shut and one hand tied behind him rather than do what he was doing now.
He had mastered the first two rules of writing, as he understood them.
1) Steal some paper.
2) Steal a pencil.
Unfortunately there was more to it than that.
Now he held the stump of pencil in front of him in both hands, and leaned backwards as two of his brothers pushed him towards the piece of paper pinned up on the chamber wall (it was an old bill for sheep bells, stolen from the farm). The rest of the clan watched, in fascinated horror, from the galleries around the walls.
'Mebbe I could kind o' ease my way inta it gently,' he protested as his heels left little grooves in the packed-earth floor of the mound. 'Mebbe I could just do one o' they commeras or full stoppies-'
'You're the Big Man, Rob Anybody, so it's fittin' ye should be the first tae do the writin',' said Jeannie. 'I canna hae a husband who canna even write his ain name. I showed you the letters, did I not?'
'Aye, wumman, the nasty, loopy, bendy things!' growled Rob. 'I dinnae trust that Q, that's a letter that has it in for a man. That's a letter with a sting, that one!'
'You just hold the pencil on the paper and I'll tell ye what marks to make,' said Jeannie, folding her arms.
'Aye, but 'tis a bushel of trouble, writin',' said Rob. 'A word writ doon can hang a man!'
'Wheest, now, stop that! 'Tis easy!' snapped Jeannie. 'Bigjob babbies can do it, and you're a full growed Feegle!'
'An' writin' even goes on sayin' a man's wurds after he's deidV said Rob Anybody, waving the pencil as if trying to ward off evil spirits. 'Ye cannae tell me that's right!'
'Oh, so you're afeared o' the letters, is that it?' said Jeannie, artfully. 'Ach, that's fine. All big men fear something. Take the pencil off'f him, Wullie. Ye cannae ask a man to face his fears.'
There was silence in the mound as Daft Wullie nervously took the pencil stub from his brother. Every beady eye was turned to Rob Anybody. His hands opened and shut. He started to breathe heavily, still glaring at the blank paper. He stuck out his chin.
'Ach, ye're a harrrrd wumman, Jeannie Mac Feegle!' he said at last. He spat on his hands and snatched back the pencil stub from Daft Wullie. 'Gimme that tool o' perdition! Them letters won't know whut's hit them!'
'There's my brave lad!' said Jeannie as Rob squared up to the paper. 'Right, then. The first letter is an R. That's the one that looks like a fat man walking, remember?'
The assembled pictsies watched as Rob Anybody, grunting fiercely and with his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth, dragged the pencil through the curves and lines of the letters. He looked at the kelda expectantly after each one.
'That's it,' she said, at last. 'A bonny effort!'
Rob Anybody stood back and looked critically at the paper.
'That's it?' he said.
'Aye,' said Jeannie.


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