Been a Private Detective for Seventeen Months Been a Private Detective for Seventeen Months Don't do it for money, just do it for love Like last night when my client got over excited When his wife had an orgy and he wasn't invited We sat in the car taking pictures and smoking My client just sat there eating mini chedders and hoping His wife was thinking of him every time she kisses someone else's lips She's thinking of him, and in her mind's eye those groping eyes are his And in her mind's eye those peeping hands are his And in her mind's eye every ounce of flesh, that gets inside her dress, is his
My client just sat there looking angry in silence He made a run for the house, I said you can't solve this with violence I said "lets take all the evidence and put it in a song, and get it in the charts and it won't be too long before the whole world knows just what your wife's done and we'll name her and shame her until her world comes undone", he said "I'm not sure that's the right thing to do", I said "you want revenge, don't you?" He said "I'll write the verse if you write the chorus, got a middle eight, it's not great, but I'm sure it will do us, and if we put in loads of bad language then the world can't ignore us" "but if we put in loads of bad language then surely the radio won't play us? Surely what we really need to do is write something that can be played on radio two, on a Sunday afternoon in amongst all the other hits, but we ended up writing something that sounded a bit like this…
All those creeping eyes, that crawl across her thighs, like flies on meat – those are his eyes, these days, not mine And all those sickening cries, like when an animal dies, at night, out of sight – those are his cries these days, not mine And I could fall asleep, but I would only dream about it – gonna occupy my mind with just three chords and a song And I could fall sleep, but I would only dream about it – gonna occupy my mind with just three bullets and a gun with just three bullets and a gun with just three bullets and a gun, I could bring down the houses of parliament, but I couldn't bring back your love.