Johnny Depp, Helena Bohnam Carter - A Little Priest
LOVETT: Seems a downright shame... TODD: Shame? LOVETT: Seems an awful waste... Such a nice plump frame Wot's-his-name Has... Had... Has... Nor it can't be traced. Business needs a lift- Debts to be erased- Think of it as thrift, as a gift... If you get my drift... Seems an awful waste. I mean, with the price of meat what it is, When you get it, If you get it... TODD: Ah- LOVETT: Good, you got it. Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop. Business never better, using only pussycats and toast. And a pussy's good for maybe six or seven at the most. And I'm sure they can't compare as far as taste- [Simultaneously] TODD: Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion LOVETT: Well, it does seem a waste... TODD: Eminently practical And yet appropriate as always! LOVETT: It's an idea... TODD: Mrs. Lovett, how I've lived Without you all these years, I'll never know! How delectable! Also undetectable! LOVETT: Think about it! Lots of other gentlemen'll Soon be comin' for a shave, Won't they? Think of All them Pies! TODD: How choice! How Rare!
TODD: For what's the sound of the world out there? LOVETT: What, Mr. Todd? What, Mr. Todd? What is that sound? TODD: Those crunching noises pervading the air! LOVETT: Yes, Mr. Todd! Yes, Mr. Todd! Yes, all around! TODD: It's man devouring man, my dear! BOTH: And [LOVETT: Then] who are we to deny it in here? TODD: (spoken) These are desperate times, Mrs. Lovett, and desperate measures are called for! LOVETT: Here we are, now! Hot out of the oven! TODD: What is that? LOVETT: It's priest. Have a little priest. TODD: Is it really good? LOVETT: Sir, it's too good, at least! Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh, So it's pretty fresh. TODD: Awful lot of fat. LOVETT: Only where it sat. TODD: Haven't you got poet, or something like that? LOVETT: No, y'see, the trouble with poet is 'Ow do you know it's deceased? Try the priest! LOVETT: Lawyer's rather nice. TODD: If it's for a price. LOVETT: Order something else, though, to follow, Since no one should swallow it twice! TODD: Anything that's lean. LOVETT: Well, then, if you're British and loyal, You might enjoy Royal Marine! Anyway, it's clean. Though of course, it tastes of wherever it's been! TODD: Is that squire, on the fire? LOVETT: Mercy no, sir, look closer, You'll notice it's grocer! TODD: Looks thicker, More like vicar! LOVETT: No, it has to be grocer -- It's green!
TODD: The history of the world, my love -- LOVETT: Save a lot of graves, Do a lot of relatives favors! TODD: Is those below serving those up above! LOVETT: Ev'rybody shaves, So there should be plenty of flavors! TODD: How gratifying for once to know BOTH: That those above will serve those down below! TODD: What is that? LOVETT: It's fop. Finest in the shop. Or we have some shepherd's pie peppered With actual shepherd on top. And I've just begun. Here's a politician - so oily, it's served with a doily- Have one? TODD: Put it on a bun. Well, you never know if it's going to run. LOVETT: Try the friar. Fried, it's drier. TODD: No, the clergy is really too coarse and too mealy. LOVETT: Then actor - That's compacter. TODD: Yes, and always arrives overdone. I'll come again when you have Judge on the menu... TODD: Have charity towards the world, my pet- LOVETT: Yes, yes, I know, my love TODD: We'll take the cus