A Little Priest (by Jonney Depp and Helena Bonham Carter)
Seems a downright shame . . . TODD: Shame? LOVETT: Seems an awful waste .. Such a nice plump frame Wot's-his-name Has...Had . ..Has... Nor it can't be traced. Business needs a lift — Debts to be erased — Think of it as thrift, As a gift... If you get my drift.. . Seems an awful waste. I mean, With the price if meat what it is, When you get it, If you get it— TODD : Ah! LOVETT: Good, you got it. Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop. Business never better, using only Pussycats and toast. And a pussy's good for maybe six or Seven at the most. And I'm sure they can't compare As far as taste — TODD: Mrs. Lovett, What a charming notion, Eminently practical and yet Appropriate, as always. Lovett ,How I've lived without you All these years I'll never know! How delectable! Also undetectable. How choice! How rare! LOVETT: Well, it does seem a Waste ... It's an idea ... Think about it... Lots of other gentlemen'll Soon be coming for a shave Won't they? Think of All them Pies! TODD: For what's the sound of the world out there? LOVETT: What, Mr. Todd, What, Mr. Todd, What is that sound? TODD: Those crunching noises pervading the air? LOVETT: Yes, Mr. Todd, Yes, Mr. Todd, Yes, all around — TODD: It's man devouring man, my dear, And who are we To deny it in here? LOVETT: Then who are we To deny it in here? TODD: What is that? MRS. LOVETT: It's priest. Have a little priest. TODD: Is it really good? LOVETT: Sir, it's too good, At least. Then again, they don't commit sins of the flesh, So it's pretty fresh. TODD : Awful lot of fat. LOVETT: Only where it sat. TODD: Haven't you got poet Or something like that? LOVETT: No, you see the trouble with poet Is, how do you know it's Deceased? Try the priest. Lawyer's rather nice. TODD: If it's for a price. LOVETT: Order something else, though, to follow, Since no one should swallow It twice. TODD: Anything that's lean. LOVETT: Well, then, if you're British and loyal, You might enjoy Royal Marine. Anyway, it's clean. Though, of course, it tastes of wherever it's been. TODD: Is that squire On the fire? LOVETT: Mercy no, sir, Look closer, You'll notice it's grocer. TODD: Looks thicker. More like vicar. LOVETT: No, it has to be grocer — it's green. TODD: The history of the world, my love — LOVETT: Save a lot of graves, Do a lot of relatives favors ... TODD: — is those below serving those up above. LOVETT: Everybody shaves, So there should be plenty of flavors ... TODD: How gratifying for once to know — BOTH: — that those above will serve those down below! TODD : What is that? LOVETT: It's fop. Finest in the shop. Or we have some shepherd's pie peppered With actual shepherd On top. And I've just begun. Here's the politician — so oily It's served with a doily — Have one. TODD: Put it on a bun. Well, you never know if it's going to run. LOVETT: Try the friar. Fried, it's drier. TODD: No, the clergy is really Too coarse and too mealy. LOVETT: Then actor — That's compacter. TODD: Yes, and always arrives overdone. I'll come again when you Have JUDGE on the menu . . . Have charity toward the world, my pet. LOVETT: Yes, yes, I know, my love — TODD: We'll take the customers what we can get LOVETT: High-born and low, my love TODD: We'll not discriminate great from small No, we'll serve anyone — Meaning anyone — BOTH: And to anyone Anyone аt all!!!