The light cascading from the dewy verges Signals to the guy upon the tee it's shit or bust A brand spanking Dunlop screams into the hedgerow And a luckless flock of starlings bite the dust
The beautifilly maintained expanse of emerald fairway That glides into the distance has him vexed He draws an ancient five in a vice-like grip And ploughs the bugger up from one end to the next
Facing extradition To the forestry comission J.C.B. precision Graces every shot Passing gulls he's winging Manically he's swinging Like an Amphetamine-crazed Terry Scott
A sound, not unlike a squid in a Zanussi Emits from where the bloke has gained in two A lethal glint of eight-iron, volley of expletives The flight of the divot's long and true
Chequ'd flares flapping in the wind Animated, as he chinned the bloke enquiring If he took any drugs The retaliation of a putter in the spuds Made him splutter cracking lips like petrified slugs
Now he seldom ever makes a fuss With a customized Trevino truss He's grasped the fundamentals And his handicap is slowly coming down