Once a year we celebrate With stupid hats and plastic plates The fact that you were able to make Another trip around the sun
And the whole clan gathers round And gifts and laughter do abound And we let out a joyful sound And sing that stupid song
Happy birthday! Now you're one year older! Happy birthday! Your life still isn't over! Happy birthday! You did not accomplish much But you didn't die this year I guess that's good enough
So let's drink to your fading health And hope you don't remind yourself The chance of finding fame and wealth Decrease with every year
Does it feel like you're doing laps And eating food and taking naps And hoping that someday perhaps Your life will hold some cheer
Happy birthday! What have you done that matters? Happy birthday! You're starting to get fatter Happy birthday! It's downhill from now on Try not to remind yourself Your best years are all gone
If cryogenics were all free Then you could live like Walt Disney And live for all eternity Inside a block of ice
But instead your time is set This is the only life you get And though it hasn't ended yet Sometimes you wish it might
Happy birthday! You wish you had more money Happy birthday! Your life's so sad it's funny Happy birthday! How much more can you take? But your friends are hungry So just cut the stupid cake
Happy birthday! Happy birthday! Happy birthday, dear... (random calling out of names, including Ralph, Bill, Ralph Kramden, Skippy the bush kangaroo, and the b-b-b-b-b-bu-bu-bu- that leads into "Dangerous")