so NERV wants 3rd impact to cure the human disease and my lame ass dad is trying to revive his bullshit dream and i'm caught in the middle with a penguin and redhead and a milf that drinks too much and i think i'd rather be dead but before i depart, let me impart some knowledge because i've seen all this shit and i ain't even hit college if you want to live a quiet life and hold onto your balls the only thing you have to do is never answer when your dad calls ever since then, i've been too fucked up to think i got so many problems and i'm not even old enough to drink but no one understands the kind of shit that i go through like jacking off to comatose girls in hospital rooms oh yeah, and there's also this thing i have to do on wednesdays where i save the earth from crazy fucking angels from outer space and redeem humankind and let everyone decide what they want to be and all i get is "congratulations"? are you fucking kidding me? i'm so sick of everyone talkin to me like i'm a kid i lost my mom when i was 2 and turned out better than asuka did even so my life just keeps tumbling down and tumbling down and i seem to be the only one that can pilot this eva now oh and i just found out this fucking robot is my mother and i'm the only one that can drive it because of the link we have with each other and it's all so fucked up i just wanted to jet out of this place and i would have except i became a god of time and space
and my dad just died trying to bring my mom back i've got a happy family after all, how sweet is that? but i'd still like to say a few words i've written down to this fuckhead who obviously doesn't want me around let me compose myself here at the end of the world surrounded by tang, rei's giant head, and this fucking turd that i just tried to strangle because like i said, i'm fucked up but she's fucked up too, so i guess that's good enough
all i ever wanted for myself was a normal life just fallin asleep alone with my headphones in every night i never asked to be pulled into this shit, you had to fuck with me and call me out of nowhere and tell me to be what i didn't want to be and then when i was hesitant you had to be a prick and tell me to go home, you didn't need me, you fuckin dick but i got in that fuckin robot and i rolled over your plan look at me now dad, your little pussy's grown into a man not only that, i got a fuckin harem of my own even if one of them's 30, one's a bitch, and one's a clone and they all choose my dick over 3rd impact, your plan bombed guess you should have been a better dad and not sacrificed mom you should have seen how this would end when that first angel fell you deserved to lose, i hope kaworu buttfucks you in hell but don't fret, i'll be chillin in a sea of orange sizzurp with this hot ass bitch and a vacation much deserved