Slapped a buncha change on the bar said, "call it my platinum card" then fish-tailed off in my bucket o' rust after four bourbons n chasers those state troopers' tasers just made my brain feel a little more buzzed
but when I made bail and fin'lly got home my hound was waitin' at the gate wagged his tail when I tossed him a bone and later that night I prayed
Lord, help me be the man my dog thinks I am a good and kind provider not a drunken midnight rider down on my knees askin' please Lord, help me be the man my dog thinks I am
conned some blonde from Alabam' to thinkin' the class ring on my hand was really a Super Bowl ring after we went skinnydippin' she stood there naked, mad and drippin' when she learned the Hedgehogs were a high school team
came home feelin' guilty as sin then I scratched my old hound's ear I swear I could see him grin when I gave him half my beer
Lord, help me be the man my dog thinks I am not some selfish womanizer who can't pass a breathalyzer down on my knees askin' please Lord, help me be the man my dog thinks I am
well, I went to church to learn good works and try to live a better life but I swore like a trucker, mispronounced Fuddrucker's in front of the preacher's wife
O Lord, help me be the man my dog thinks I am a righteous, honest person not some dumb cuss prone to cursin' down on my knees askin' please Lord, help me be the man my dog thinks I am