Listen very carefully I'll say this only once - I haven't had a moment's peace In thirty-seven months Commitments squeezed like tinned sardines Into each precious hour But I'll survive, 'cause where there's life There's generally a bar
(Line 'em up)
Births and deaths and marriages Cabbages and kings Slugs and snails and e-mails Other precious things Cherubim and seraphim Go green with envy for All the births and deaths and marriages Mortality affords
Today a man got on my tram And wiped his sweaty neck And suddenly, I saw how he Must look whilst having (sex!) I felt like Henry the Sixth felt When he sang hysterically Watching the slaughter his supporters Thought he ought to see
Births and deaths and marriages Divorces, christenings Isn't life a roll of strife Round a splendid thing Cherubim and seraphim Continually do cry "Life's wasted on these mortal ones So can we have a try?"
(Yeah)
Here's a story 'bout a boy Ignored by all the class He broke his leg so he could get them All to sign his cast But instead of writing "Get Well Soon" They wrote "You Suck" A dreadful story, I'm terribly sorry At least I - made it up!
Births and Deaths and Marriages Cabbages and kings Tops and tails and screams and wails Cheated in between What the hell? I'm fit and well I'm able and I'm willing I'm not from Venus or from Mars - I'm from Enniskillen!
So why watch the nation's "Hundred Greatest Things In History" When the top spot goes by lot To Bohemian Rhapsody? You will never see a poor bookie The dealer always wins And there ain't no clocks 'round the Vegas slots Keep texting your votes in