Well I was chasin down flys and shootin up women And tryin to get the whole thing straight in my head Lookin for a girl to come with me swimming And come and play tunes at the end of my bed
And all the hard men were drinkin down petrol And bamming up the girl when in came the law Heading for the door and getting tongue tied When they asked me what exactly I saw
So I’ll get some monte christo And we can all go see the band Well I may not be a looker, yeah But I’ll help you any way I can
Back at my room I was making me nervous Watching TV and picking my feet Wishing I was pretty and burning my shoes And wishing for once I’d kept the receipt I called myself and wondered out loud Tried to get the whole thing straight in my head I left the tape running and played it back twice But I couldn’t make sense of what I had said
So I’ll get some monte christo And we can all go see the band Well I may not be a looker, yeah But I’ll help you any way I can
It may not make you handsome and it may not even make you feel alive You may not have the ransom but you can always count on this It’s him and them and she and me And sick and muddy, everybody
So I’ll get some monte christo And we can all go see the band Well I may not be a looker, yeah But I’ll help you any way I can
You can bring your waster’s banjo and your sister and your friend Diane Well I may not have a big boy’s pistol but I’ll help them any way I can You can call me Cinderella, call me your best man Well you may be a right old queen but I’ll help you any way I can