Episode 25. - I was working... as a governess. At the Talbots'. His name was Varguennes. He was brought to the house after the wreck of his ship. He had a dreadful wound. His flesh was torn from his hip to his knee. He was in great pain yet he never cried out. Not the smallest groan. I admired his courage. I looked after him. I did not know then that men can be both very brave and very false. He was handsome. No man had ever paid me the kind of attentions he did as he was recovering. He told me I was beautiful and that he could not understand why I was not married. Such things. He would mock me lightly. I took pleasure in it. When I would not let him kiss my hand he called me cruel. A day came when I thought myself cruel as well.
- And you were no longer cruel?
- Varguennes recovered. He left for Weymouth. He said that he would wait there one week and then sail for France. I told him that I would never follow him that I could not. But, after he had gone my loneliness was so deep. I felt I would drown in it. I followed him. I went to the inn where he had taken a room. It was not a respectable place - I knew that at once. They told me to go up to his room. They looked at me. They smiled. I insisted he be sent for. He seemed overjoyed to see me. He... he was all that a lover should be. I had not eaten that day. He took me to a private sitting room, ordered food. But he had changed. He was full of smiles and caresses, but I knew at once that he was insincere. I saw that I had been an amusement for him. Nothing more. I saw all this within five minutes of our meeting. Yet I stayed. I ate the supper that was served. I drank the wine. It did not intoxicate me. I think it made me see more clearly. Is... is that possible?
- No doubt.
- Soon he no longer bothered to hide the real nature of his intentions towards me, nor could I pretend surprise. My innocence was false from the moment I chose to stay. I could tell you that he overpowered me or that he drugged me, but it is not so. I gave myself to him. I did it so that I should never be the same again so that I should be seen for the outcast I am! I knew it was ordained that I should never marry an equal, so I married shame. It is my shame that has kept me alive my knowing that I am truly not like other women. I... I shall never, like them, have children and a husband and the pleasures of a home. Sometimes I pity them. I have a freedom they cannot understand. No insult, no blame, can touch me. I have set myself beyond the pale. I am nothing. I am hardly human any more. I am the French lieutenant's whore!