I'm trying too hard to forget to just be me. Forgetting to forget the imagined audience. Who i wish would understand me, Yet never know me. Because i can't bear to show what i don't know. This is why i discuss trivialities. This is why i seem so strong. Because my shell won't be cracked if i make Sure you never find out how to. Yet i want to open up. I want to see who i am. I want to see. But it terrifies me to think that maybe you love me for what i say and not who i am. My politics just aren't me; just another wall between you and i.
The select few who've seen through the facade, I pushed away in horror. Afraid of what they knew. I withheld so much about myself to keep a fucked-up advantage and now i see i never had anything to gain. So now there's no more trying to «Just be me»;. no more hiding behind a language. Just expose myself for what i've been; a fraud, cashing in on rhetoric that i learned to abuse, what i used to push you away. That i used to win even though.. every single Time i lost. Every single time.