Ungh, Lonely Island, Michael Bolton YEAAAHH! The night starts now Together on the track, the boys are back The night starts now Night starts now baby roll with us, chickens snapping at the neck when we rollin' up. ROLLIN' UP Blow through the doors ain't no holdin' up YEAH Black card at the bar like I gives a fuck. COME ON Ladies shifty eyed when we walk into the set, fuck the fellas looking jealous play the back and get wet YEAH YEAH Three pound in my waist, shank in my sock, you either get cut, get stuffed or get shot.
THIS IS THE TALE OF CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW, PIRATE SO BRAVE ON THE SEVEN SEAS What? A MYSTICAL QUEST TO THE ISLE OF TORTUGA, RAVEN LOCKS SWAY ON THE OCEAN'S BREEZE.
Yeah that was kinda weird, but we're back in the club Buying up the bar so the groupies show us love KIERA KNIGHTLY Motherfucking ice-man, I'm the top gunner Heater on blast, I'm the number one stunner JACK SPARROW Watch it girl cause I ain't your "Mr. Nice Guy", More like the "meet ya take you home and fuck you twice guy" YEAH YEAH! All dressed up with nowhere to run, And now I make you feel crazy with the… NOW BACK TO THE GOOD PART: FROM THE DAY HE WAS BORN, HE YEARNED FOR ADVENTURE Nooo OLD CAPTAIN JACK GIVING THEM WHAT FOR. HE'S THE PAUPER OF THE SURF (yeah…uh huh) THE JESTER OF TORTUGA (oh God) BUT IS DAVY JONES' LOCKER WHAT LIES IN STORE? Yeah, we've seen the movie
Throw your hands in the air and say hell yeah, come on CAPTAIN JACK What? JOHNNY DEPP No From the front to the back say we count stacks come on DAVY JONES Nope GIANT SQUID Wrong Michael Bolton we're really gonna need you to focus up
ROGER THAT LET ME TRY IT WITH ANOTHER FILM
Wait--
LIFE IS A BOX OF CHOCOLATES AND MY NAME IS FORREST GUMP (Not better) THOUGH I'M NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED, I GIVE JENNY ALL OF MY LOVE (Come on!) OK THEN I'M A LEGAL AIDE, ERIN BROCKOVICH IS MY NAME (Nooo, God) THEN YOU CAN CALL ME SCARFACE, SNORTIN MOUNTAINS OF COCAINE (close enough) YOU COCKROACHES WANNA PLAY ROUGH? OKAY, I'M RELOADED
THIS IS THE TALE OF TONY MONTANA CUBANO FLAME, WITH THE MIAMI NUTS (Take it home!) GOT A BASEHEAD WIFE, BUT HER WOMB IS POLLUTED THIS WHOLE TOWN'S A PUSSY, JUST WAITING TO GET FUCKED!
Ooookay, turns out Michael Bolton is a major cinephile YOU COMPLETE ME! Yup, yeah, ok….