empty days. meaninglessness. silence. quietness. I feel torn inside. void. thoughtless existence thoughtless (car)driving lost in thoughts (can’t remember the past seconds) direct it against a wall automatically without wanting it just doing it not for dying only to get a leg broken or both impact. and the (e)motion picture in my head is over… thoughtless bathing staring at the white naked ceiling slitting the wrists obviously wrong water red am I dead?! no. calling the ambulance opening the apartment door hoping help comes not too late faint. I. floor. pool of blood. naked. blurred view. awakening. a room filled with sold out seats. strangers staring at me while I’m almost dying. a tub of clear water. and the (e)motion picture in my head is over… standing on a bridge wind is blowing across my face the railing keeps me (staying) alive but I let go and falling down to escape the feeling of weightlessness makes me happy I start smiling closed eyes every single second to feel the whole immensity of this infinity knowing the ground is too close to vanish I lose the awareness to be aware crash of my own life and the (e)motion picture in my head is over… I’m afraid of my thoughts what is happening to me?! thoughtless thinking but what’s the point? I wanne live really want it love the life I’m torn inside I want back everything I’ve lost and finally the (e)motion picture in my head is over… and I can start living again