Hello, welcome to our show, I'm glad that you could come We're gonna have a hoot, we're gonna have some fun Sit back, put your feet up and relax, maybe have a drink or three The more you drink the better we will be
And if you have a mobile phone please turn it off, thank you And if you have Tourette's syndrome just do whatever it is you people do And if you are offended by adult concepts or mild blasphemy Maybe switch of for a little while You've got approximately four seconds to turn your dial
Bugger, nipple, shit, Mohammed.
Hey my name is Tim, I write funny songs and sing I'm here to start the show off with a bang Pete Helliar's MC, but when it came to the opening they turned to me Cos this is what would happen if Pete sang...
Ah, ah, ah, ah, staying alive, staying alive.
And this year the Melbourne comedy fest is turning 21 And if you ask me I think it's gonna be particularly fun And if you ever thought you'd like to give money to a starving Afri-cun
Then tonight's the perfect night to do it Pick up the phone you know you won't rue it There's money in your pocket that you don't need You don't need another pair of pre-worn jeans You don't need expensive jewellery You don't need a new Playstation 3 When there are kids in the world who haven't even got Playstation One (Playstation One) Millions of kids in starving nations Living their lives with no Playstations AIDs and war, no vaccinations Living their lives with no Playstations
If all the kids in Africa had broadband and a Playstation 3 Might not solve their problems but by Christ it would make them happy It'd surely take their minds of clean water and rice, (water and rice) Getting to shoot doughnut-eating American teens in their big fat faces With fuck-off Plasma guns... Happy little Africuns
Happy little Africuns
Hello, welcome to our show We're glad that you could come It's time for a little audience participation Sing: I am audience member Why are you making me sing? You self-indulgent wanker Just bring on that nice Peter Helliar